2008 = Crazy Year (Still)

[lost_in_space]

Focus... have to quit thinking about goings on at home and focus on what I can control which is me here. I can tell myself that but need to start acting on it more.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I think it's very understandable.

Does your boss know what's going on? Is he/she supportive?

[lost_in_space]

Yes. My VP knows that I am having personal issues - he is ok with me doing whatever.

My direct supervisor knows it is M problems - needs me to be able to try to focus more. In general, company has been supportive, but I need to get back into a groove.


I have been going back to your threads occassionally. Have been very helpful as has your advice.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I'm glad I've been helpful, Lost. If something good can come out of my ordeal of last summer, then I do feel some sense of purpose. I think you'll find a lot of that "pay it forward" mentality on MWD's boards -- lots of helpful folks, since others were there when WE needed them.

Don't be shy to toot your own horn whenever appropriate at work. "Top of mind" and all of that; good to offset the stuff they know you're dealing with.

Puppy

[lost_in_space]

ok,
So how come, despite all that is going on (and WW is likley at L right now), I feel that I should at some point ask WW if she wants to talk about this (D)? Recall she had asked why I had not wanted to talk a week ago when she said she wanted out.

I know it makes no sense, but it is still nagging at me...

[lost_in_space]

Ok, what did I miss? Or did I miss anything at all?

I get home from work. WW relatively pleasant (18 hours ago was wanting to have nothing to do with me but still slept in same bed).

So supper is made, smells great. WW asks if I can pick up S13 from a sports camp at 6:15. Sure (like I would miss an opp for that). Then I thought he will have to eat when he gets home, so why don't I go watch S13 at his camp. I mention to WW that I thought I would eat with S13 and go watch for a bit. I got "the look". I gave her a chance to tell me that she'd rather I not go or something, but she didn't. She just said "go watch him, that will be fine".

So - what if anything did I do wrong? She gave me the look which implied I did something wrong, but I am simply doing what I thought was best here. Besided she is taking D's to soccer soon anyway.

A WTF moment, especially after last night.

???

[Puppy Dog Tails]

ok,
So how come, despite all that is going on (and WW is likley at L right now), I feel that I should at some point ask WW if she wants to talk about this (D)? Recall she had asked why I had not wanted to talk a week ago when she said she wanted out.

I know it makes no sense, but it is still nagging at me...

Lost,

You don't want to talk about it because you don't want a divorce. If SHE wants a divorce, she's free to file for one, but she's likely just full of bluster and venom right now.

So the only thing to "talk" about is what -- to try to talk her OUT of something she SAID she wanted to do?

I know, it seems counterintuitive. I'll tell you right now up front, nearly EVERYTHING about DBing is going to seem counterintuitive to you! You feel like you should "talk it out" right now, but there's some problems with that instinct:

1. She's cheating on you, and all cheaters LIE. Period. So you won't be able to trust anything that comes out of her mouth anyway.

2. She doesn't have your marriage's best interests at heart right now, which means she's not to be trusted. An R conversation can be a trap, and is not going to be productive.

3. The fact is, YOU don't want to divorce, so why should you enter into a conversation with her to discuss divorce? It only validates the negative.

Leave the ball in her court, while keeping your guard up. If she repeatedly brings up the D word, then you would be wise to seek at least an initial consultation with a good family law attorney.

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Ok, what did I miss? Or did I miss anything at all?

I get home from work. WW relatively pleasant (18 hours ago was wanting to have nothing to do with me but still slept in same bed).

So supper is made, smells great. WW asks if I can pick up S13 from a sports camp at 6:15. Sure (like I would miss an opp for that). Then I thought he will have to eat when he gets home, so why don't I go watch S13 at his camp. I mention to WW that I thought I would eat with S13 and go watch for a bit. I got "the look". I gave her a chance to tell me that she'd rather I not go or something, but she didn't. She just said "go watch him, that will be fine".

So - what if anything did I do wrong? She gave me the look which implied I did something wrong, but I am simply doing what I thought was best here. Besided she is taking D's to soccer soon anyway.

A WTF moment, especially after last night.

???

Lost,

Not unusual at all. One of two things (or a combination of the two):

1. She has been in contact with OM, so she's in an "up" mood.

2. Your calm, forceful stand in the face of her bluster has gotten her attention -- and her respect. So she's treating you respectfully.

These moods will come and go, in WILD swings. And in general, "GOOD = BAD," meaning you have more to be worried about her GOOD moods than you do her BAD ones (see #1, above).

This is why they call it "the Rollercoaster."

Puppy

[lost_in_space]

More stupidity. WW gets home and advises me we are invited to a bbq at one of the EGF houses on Sat. What next!!!

Puppy, OM is away with family on holiday (according to OMW). May have been in contact but not sure.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Lost,

"Advises"? Time to stop taking her advisement. Make plans for that day and time, and don't tell your wife unless she asks.

Did you say you would go to this bbq?

Puppy