In a way I agree and in another way I disagree. I know in my case that the divorce is done ( the marriage is over ). But life is not done for me....Meaning, You don't know what the future is only the present. If I continue with the lessons of DB, then I become a better person....if she eventually sees the changes then it was really worth it.....Because really, I did contribute to the destruction of my marriage....I didn't see it, now I do....and this is because of DB. if she does see the changes and be move forward together.....I know that I will never go back to the way I was.....as for her....I would guide her to pick up DB....If I eventually met someone new....I now would have the skills to detect possible issues and prevent them.
when and only when you are finally ready to give up....you can realize and even say that the other spouse does not want to see the changes, that they have deeper issues.
Accepting that your relationship is over, is not as easy as giving up, nor is hanging on for a miracle. If a miracle happened tomorrow, I can say in 20yrs that it was worth the suffering, rather than say, "Oh well, I tried.", and just give up when the going get tuff. Now, I am not saying that I don't have eyes to see the results nor the sense to eventually admit defeat. What I am saying is....do what you can impossibly do to eventually say, I did want I could rather than just say it.
In my case.....I caused the divorce for not listening OR she gave up because she had to.....either way....WE are both at fault. If I see my faults while continue to suffer while DB, knowing that we are already divorced.....the relationship is over...then I caused my own suffering to be a better man / person / partner through is ordeal.
One_Light....sorry for so long...I hope that I help with my POV.
Cade,
True.... Both parties were at fault......
What did you do? Realized you were wrong..... Wanted to work on M? Go to C? Make changes in you?
What did your W do? Fool around? Seek outsider's advise? File for D?
If that is the case, those are HUGE differences! One person is doing the "right" thing... The other something VERY "wrong"... Just my 25 cents worth....
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
