Groundhog day again. Drop off son and she is cold as ice. I was standing at the front door knocking and she was calling me cell phone. She said are you dropping him off. I said I'm standing at your front door knocking. She says ok, I couldn't hear you. She comes to the door. I carry son up to couch. I sit with him ahwhile and tell wife that he didn't wear a pull up and no accidents. She kisses and hugs him while I'm right next to him. She is wearing different perfume. I noticed it yesterday too.
She can't and will not even look at me. I just get up and say goodbye, and walk down the stairs. I don't even look back. She didn't follow to lock the door. Then when I'm outside I hear the door lock. I feel like she is getting worse again.
Jeanette, come on you know that shirt is so sophmoric. The laundry, I don't know the laundry. She just comes to the house and does laundy. Then she nit picks about things that are not done around the house.
Jeanette, I think I was just pointing it out. You are the one that seems enamored by it. Like I said my point is my wife always dressed conservatively. Never would show too much cleavage. Never would wear short skirts or shorts because she thought she was fat and it was inappropriate for a mother to dress like that. Now she is doing it. I would always tell her to show more leg. I would like that outfit because of the slit or something. You know the imagination of the dress. I'm not saying she needs to wear pants to go swimming. I would tell her to wear a bikini and show off, but she never would.
On our honeymoon I took a picture of her on the beach wearing a american flag bikini. One day she suprised me and got it blown up for me. She said she look fat in it. I told her she was crazy and I loved it. I hung it up in my shop. Pin up girl. The only one I was allowed to have.
Don't even get me started how jealous she was of that stuff. If something came in the mail that was promicious she would throw it away or burn it. I wasn't allowed to watch certain things on tv. Etc... If I was changing channels and there was a sexaul image on or something and if I stayed on it too long. She would start flipping out on me. No movies with any sexual content what so ever. But when we dated she was ok with it. She would cover my eyes or something.
Brings me to another story. On our honeymoon. I was watching something on HBO. It was some kind of fantasy movie like the hobbit. I was watching it for about an hour and 45 minutes and nothing strange happened. Then she walks into the room and this mermaid pops out of cake and is topless. Man I got an ear beating for watching porno the entire day. Then the story never went away. She brought it up all the time at holiday functions to her family. Etc... I remeber being at a Christmas party and telling my cousin how tough she was about that stuff. Well her sister was sitting there and ran her mouth to my wife, and the next thing I now I'm getting an earful again like 7 years later. Trust me those little boobs on the mermaid where not worth it.
Oh it's all crazy... There was one show I really liked watching. Rescue me, because you know I was a volunteer fire fighter. There was a scene that got totally blown out of proportion in my opinion and it was all over the news. Well I wasn't allowed to watch Rescue me anymore.
I also liked watching the Soprano's, I love Mafia flicks. She never said anything about that. She said I just shouldn't watch those bad shows.
Maybe that's why everyting has always been tit for tat and continues to be like that.
She needs to stop treating me like a fifteen year old locked up in her compound.
I domesticated myself for her, and tried to meet all her demands and it was never good enough. Why do I want to put up with more? You know its just worse. She acts the same way about stuff around the house. A house she doesn't even live in.
However it's ok for the noise level where she is at. She says she got used to it. But if the neighbor was revving his engines I would hear about it, and she would ask me to do something about it. Then when I did do something I looked like the idiot.
Ok, that's it... I was just talking to my brown sugar momma. Well that is what she wants me to call her. She said I'm a b|tch and I fight like one. I don't even fight like a man.
Ok can anybody give me some advice on not being a b|tch?
I guess I was venting to her and using my anger to try and detach from this woman who has complete utter control over me.
Some how I'm starting to feel better... Let it go, LET IT SNOW! LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Phil, I get the shirt issue and I agree that it is a sign of her regressing to her youth.
I also get that it is just a shirt and do not let it stress you out....Bigger fish to fry right?
You said cold as ice and you feel her withdrawing again. That is normal Phil, she will withdraw and come out over and over again and it will drive you absolutely insane if you let it.
If you get to a point where it doesnt matter how she acts you will be better off. Keep your behaviors consistent with who you want to be. Her mood during interaction should have no bearing on who you are or how you present yourself. If you swing based on her mood she will surely point out your inconsistency to you even though it is due to her actions.
You seem to have an uncanny ability to point out how bad things were between the two of you. Do you do this so it will be easier if your marriage ends? I mean seeing all the bad stuff does make it easier to accept her leaving, the whole I deserve better than I have had attitude. But there is something there that is making you fight for this Phil. Some part of who she is that you love and want again.
I cannot imagine that you would want to have back a horribly disfunctional marriage?
Work on consistancy within yourself Phil. Stability and a lack of arming her defenses is your best ally.
Ok, that's it... I was just talking to my brown sugar momma. Well that is what she wants me to call her. She said I'm a b|tch and I fight like one. I don't even fight like a man.
Ok can anybody give me some advice on not being a b|tch?
I guess I was venting to her and using my anger to try and detach from this woman who has complete utter control over me.
Some how I'm starting to feel better... Let it go, LET IT SNOW! LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Vent here, not at her..... why the hell would you even be talking to her about such things.
You are the king of setting yourself up to get hurt......
She needs to stop treating me like a fifteen year old locked up in her compound.
Stop acting like one.
Phil....come here, come closer Phil, I won't bite
***SMACK***
Again Phil just what is it you love about your wife.
Personally I'm starting to think it's more about who wins this little tug o war called seperation thats going on in your life right now.
Your going to make that woman see things your way and thats it DAMMIT!
I have no comments about the "bitch" thing.
My xhusband has been acting like a bitch too, and I think I said that to someone yesterday
The only reason I called him that to someone is because he's acting so childish in his behavior. Very tit for tatty yet I'm not playing his games anymore just so he comes home....
Understand what I'm saying here Phil?
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
I think you misunderstood. Brown Sugar Momma (BSM) is a co-worker. She happens to be a big black woman with a beautiful soul, hence Brown sugar momma. These are her words not mine. She has great faith and love for Jesus Christ. I would always lift her when she was down. Now she is walking through the valley of the shadow of death with me, and holding my hand.
She's been through a divorce. She's telling me to build a bridge and get over it. Let the anger go.
I see what you are saying. It a phase in and phase out. I have been struggling with it since day one. It's the ILYBINILWYA. I want to be intimate with you, but I don't. I want to kiss you, but I don't. I want to hug you and I do, and I then she asks herself why did I do that.
Yes the whole marriage was dysfunctional. I'm thinking more and more. It was about me being disrepectful. However I can't take all the blame. Please... I ruined her life. Because I was disrepectful.
This a BSM theory... It may have merit.
No Ian, too much has happened now to go back the way it was. I could never accept living like that anymore. Yes, I have an uncanny ability to point out the things she did.
What did I do to get treated like that from her. I guess I can see it her way, it just isn't logical. I was disrepecting my wife because a television program had some sexual imagery on it. I was disrepecting my wife when someone came to my house to help me with a project and they drank some beers. I was disrespecting my wife because she would harp on me at family functions not to drink more than three and then she would constantly ask what number I was on and cause a scene.
She's immature... always has been. I mean I should be able to go to my wife and say. Those boobies on that mermaid are crocked. It was artsy... there was nothing sexual about it.
Then the catch 22 comes. When we were picking out artwork for the addition in the bedroom she said I could get an image of naked woman. I was like WTF planet are you on. I thought she was maturing.
"Your going to make that woman see things your way and thats it DAMMIT!"
I think that is both of our problem.
"I'm not playing his games anymore just so he comes home.... Understand what I'm saying here Phil? "
So nothing you have done has worked either???
How are you going to make him come home?
What is it that I love about the woman. I don't know I just know I would eat her damn boogers. I even said that when we went and talked to the priest right after bomb. I put up with alot of her sh|t, but my love never ever faultered. Now some of my actions now that is a different story.
Actions speak louder than words...
Be cool, be still... let her miss me. Show her the man she wants to come home too. Show the geniune change.
I absolutely cringed when I read this. You really need to work on your "inner game" before you can address issues with your W.
Your responses:
Quote:
Then cringe buddy...
You need to stop antagonizing me and stop being poison.
I was having a pretty descent night until I read your post.
The person gave their opinion I didn't like the opinion. I took his 2x4 and shoved it somewhere.
That wasn't a 2x4. Not even close. But you thought it was an attack and brought a nuke to a knife fight.
Quote:
Ok, that's it... I was just talking to my brown sugar momma. Well that is what she wants me to call her. She said I'm a b|tch and I fight like one. I don't even fight like a man.
Ok can anybody give me some advice on not being a b|tch?
Stop responding like a cornered animal. Reflect before responding. You are responding instantly and on emotions. Knee-jerk reaction to anything you see as an attack.
This might not be how you are dealing with your wife right now, and that is great!
Was this how you interacted with your wife in the past?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Like I said my point is my wife always dressed conservatively. Never would show too much cleavage. Never would wear short skirts or shorts because she thought she was fat and it was inappropriate for a mother to dress like that. Now she is doing it. I would always tell her to show more leg. I would like that outfit because of the slit or something. You know the imagination of the dress. I'm not saying she needs to wear pants to go swimming. I would tell her to wear a bikini and show off, but she never would.