2008 = Crazy Year (Still)

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Is that what is commonly referred to as a "truth dart" and if so was it "thrown" appropriately?

Triple-20, baby. A wayward spouse needs to know that this is NOT just their own, personal, harmless fantasy -- that REAL LIVES are affected, especially children who are so totally innocent.

Puppy

[lost_in_space]

In fairness (hate to do that sometimes), WW had said she was unhappy in the past, but neither of us seemed to do anything significant about it. She never suggested getting help, thought she could do it all herself, etc. We would discuss things and then keep rolling merrily along ("typical" guy stuff from me I hear). 8 years, though, does seem to me to be a stretch.

I "got it" last year and in Dec we had an awakening of sorts where we had a good talk of what we needed to do. At the end of the convo at that time she broke down and said that is what she needed to hear. We had some work to do and both knew it.

However, reconnected with OM just before New Year's and the rest is history.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Speaking of "truth darts," sometimes they are best thrown in response to something (like above), but sometimes they can be even more powerful if delivered "a la carte."

Once, I just walked up to my wife sitting at the kitchen table. We hadn't spoken much in a couple of days, and she was smack-dab in the middle of her EA/PA. I didn't preface this with ANYTHING, not even a "hi" or a "I want to tell you something." Just walked up, looked her dead in the eye from about five feet away, and said

"Have you ever stopped to consider just how DESTRUCTIVE what you're doing is to the kids?"

I stammered something, tried weakly to defend herself, but I had already turned and left the room.

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Lost,

Every marriage has its challenges. Some, even very major ones. NONE of it justifies her breaking her marriage vows and having an affair. She should have sat you down and said "This is serious, and I don't like how I'm feeling. I'm beginning to feel attracted to someone else, and either we get some marriage counseling NOW, or I think we may be in trouble."

Or some such.

In all likelihood, she was probably already in at least an EA with this guy before that December talk.

Puppy

[lost_in_space]

Thanks Puppy.

Yes, I agree that there were challenges. Too much focus on our life schedule with no couple time. Busy family life can do that.

I totally agree with you though that there is NEVER a reason to go outside the marriage.

BTW, I like your "a la carte" dart. Need to tell that to WW and her enabling GF's.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I got a good one for EGF, too:

"Real friends don't help their friends break up their families without working on it. I can't tell you how disappointed I am that you haven't been more supportive of our marriage."

[lost_in_space]

Puppy

That is a good one for the EGF's.

I do think I need to start firing more about the impact on the K's. That has been so lost in all of this. Her responses have been "they will be fine when they see us both happy", "I want my K's to see their mom in a happy R", "I will be a better mom if I am not with you", "I am not breaking up the family - we can still spend Christmas mornings together and stuff".

Meanwhile an unsuspecting D10 runs to give her dad a hug every morning, S13 is still planning for house renos to make his "cool basement" and D16 is not sure what to think - wants to go out more with friends (her escape mechanism or just that age or a combination???).

Can't bombard otherwise effectiveness lost, but need to time them right.

That is what I struggle with the most...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I understand.

No more than 2-3/week - -maybe four, tops.

[lost_in_space]

Funny how I can be cool in the face of getting the D tossed at me directly, but I stuggle with it while at work. Getting better, but not easy for sure.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

WHAT do you struggle with at work?