WOW!! progress w H? Keeping my PMA

[pisces9]

thanks neil- the easy route usually isnt the way to get there...
I hope all this pain pays off...at least i have (and still am) learned a lot about myself.

we are all in this ship together!! woo hoo ;-)

PMA activated- no more pity party

[pisces9]

Hi- feeling a bit lonely - im at our co's sales meeting this week and there are mostly men. it makes me realize how much i love my H and miss him.
my DB coach had said to act like casual friends and initiate some contact and invite him to certain things- he can say yes or no- not a big deal either way...so we are supposed to get together this week when i get back...but part of me just wants to talk...i do feel my H softening..his anxiety is lower when we interact and he is able to be a but more calm and nice...i know my actions have allowed the space for this...now i just want so badly to increase our communication...and this is a rather new development and i stll dont know what he is thinking- if he wants out or in of our R- so i am playing the wait and watch game...

im not sure how this can be done- do i inivte him somewhere? do i contact him just to say hi? write an email to say hi?

who knows? this is hard- always a new challenge..im scared if we dont connect he wil slowly forget about me and he will walk away even further- but so far that hasnt come true and he has stalled on everything. this is a result of me allwoing the space for both of us, my loving actions towards him, my respect towrds him, my GAL...so i know that this works- but i am confused my my emotions...argh.

i guess there is nothing more i can do. nighty night...

[Neilh23]

pisces...don't let your emotions run your life. Everyone has that fear.....about them forgetting about you. Rememeber, they are experiencing the same type of emotions we are........

don't force it with your H. As tough as that is, don't do it. Ask him to do something, but don't get upset if he says no. I understand your frustration...i want to ask my W to do stuff together, but i don't because i don't want to be "overwhelming"....LOL...it's a fine line. We just need to find how to balance ourselves along that line.....it'll come to you how you're going to do it. I am still looking for that balance...

you'll be fine...always keep that in mind!

[pisces9]

thanks neil-
sometimes it feels like this is so hard and other times its ok...
i agree- i dont want to overwhelm him or sound desperate.
thats good to remember that they are going throught the same emotions- and i sometimes even think its worse for him.

ok- PMA PMA everything will be ok.

[Neilh23]

it IS hard. all the time. HOwever, you need to remember what it says in ROmans 5.....suffering produces perseverence, perseverence produces characer, and character, hope. Can't forget that.

if i could only follow my own advice all the time, i'd be in great shape...LOL

[pisces9]

that is an aamzing saying.
perseverance is our middle name right now
im just so sad for my H.
he texted me back yesterday bc of some house stuff- and i had sounded chipper and asked how r ya? he replied with im ok i guess...so i just got sad that he sounds so miserable. and then i wanted to try and fix it and make him feel better...i got sad.
overall im great now- the meetings are going well- lots of nice guys- flirting ever hurt anyone but i never did this when we were togther- i felt like even that was cheating.

[Neilh23]

yes it definitly is. LOL

he probably IS miserable. gotta remember, they're experiencing all the doubt, fear, anger, and pain we are.

and it's ok to flirt. builds your self esteem.

[pisces9]

somtimes i feel like i should reach out to him- i think he is depressed and i want to help him.
do you think even though he is depressed i treat this the same as casual friends? this seems like the hardest part in a wierd way bc i am scared for him.

[Neilh23]

what my DB coach suggested me to do is to try and find a way to facilitate my W to open up to me about how she feels. LIke use the reflective listening to get her to open up.

Here's how maybe you could use it...

Pisces: So how are you doing?
Pisces'H: I'm ok, I guess.
Pisces: So you're just ok?

something along those lines. Probably not as cut and dry, but that's something you could try.

I find myself thinking about reflective listening all the time now. It's something that needs to be practiced all the time so it becomes a habit. It's tough, but I feel more in tune with whoever i'm talking to.

hope that helps. It really might get him to open up to you. Don't force it....remember, make him feel comfortable around you and all that jazz.

[pisces9]

that is great bc i sort of went over it in the text message- i didnt know what to say or how to say it...this is a good idea. i always want to say "whats wrong" or "how can i help?" but thats too victim-ish..i know he is suffering so i will try soemthing along these lines the next time i get a chance...
thanks so much neil