First thing is to calm down. Take a walk, Talk to a friend, Take a nap. Don't do anything when you are emotionally exploding. I would remind her that you are still married and she is commiting adultery legally and ethically. The "we are getting divorced" thing is hogwash. She has probably been seeing this guy for awhile. You may want to pick up the book "Tough Love" by James Dobson. It really helped me to understand that it was not my fault, let her go and to set firm boudaries. This sucks any way that you slice it. You will get good advice here especially form the likes of Puppy Dog Tails and Sandi2.
