Mulesqb still getting kicked in the a$$

[mulesqb]

Journal - Last night I got home and she was upset. She had a very tough day with S10. She said she had a bit of a meltdown but it ended up being a good thing. She said she spoke to him and explained that she is going through something and needs to work it out and that she knows she hasn't been there for him, but is trying. I'm not sure S10 bought it all as it was a bit heavy for him - but she felt better about the sitch. She told him that she is going to doctors to get help. Not sure what she means by that.

She confided in me about that sitch and then also followed up about Lake George. She asked if she could work around the anniversary party and shorten the trip to a long weekend. She said she would really like to do it and feels we would have a lot of fun. I never really answered as the talk when into the neighbors.

She said she can't trust me because she feels like I am telling everyone about her. This is not true (unless you count this forum!). I told her that trust is my big issue right now. I don't trust the neighbors and never will completely. Not with all I know about their background. I told her that I don't like her talking to them about me - it's none of their biz. She said they are like her family now. I said they are not family to me and will never be treated that way by me or the kids. I actually felt sick to my stomach when she said those words. I then retreated as quickly as possible to get out of this conversation. There is no talking common sense to her so I stop trying.

Here's my dilemma. As long as the neighbors are in the picture I don't think we will ever be able to fix our marriage. She keeps telling me that all I need to do is let my hair down with them. I try but can only take them in small doses. I want to sell the house and get the hell away - she doesn't. Should I just force the issue with all you know at this point. I know many of you thought I should have done that long ago but it is complicated - she is a co-borrower on the mortgage. I also didn't want to disturb the kids as they love their house and school and friends, etc...

At this point I am thinking to ride it out a few more weeks and see what happens when her father approaches her and how her continued therapy sessions go. By the way - she is not going twice a week - just once. At that point - i can make a decision. In the meantime - it seems like she has made a decision to herself to try and get her life back (including with me). She is making an effort to talk to me more and spend time. I just don't trust it. I'm at a loss as it seems I have no options left in terms of a trial sep - she won't leave the house. So it's either go the legal route or stick it out the way it is. When I think what's better for the kids - I think the way we are now is better because they stay in their house and see their parents getting along at the moment. Any thoughts??

And guys, thanks so much for sticking with me in this sitch. It's a very complicated one (as I guess all are), and I certainly haven't made all the right decisions - but my intentions are always the best. Believe me when i tell you that I consider every single word that is posted to me. It has made a difference at the least in the way i feel about myself right now. THANK YOU!