Hi, I'm new to the forum.

[LolaL]

Oh, that hurts. (((Kelly Jo))) I think you need a big hug.

I like the email. It is pretty straightforward. It is worded well.

My rule of thumb (and this is just me because I tend to be a bit overbearing at times lol) is wait 24 hours before you send it, and reread it. If you still like it, and you don't feel like you can say this to his face, send it.

It is not fair of him to come home when he wants, expect you to be a wife only when he wants. You have your own hopes and needs too. The problem is it is easier said than done when it comes right down to it, and I know if I were in the same sitch, I would have done the same thing. The closeness of ML is a big intimacy for women and men alike, but when you are raw and hurting, that is a big soother.

At any rate, I would definitely tell him that cannot happen again unless he is willing to work on the marriage. I thank God I have not been in that position, because I am not sure what I would have done. (((Kelly Jo))) here is another hug I hope you have a better day.

Lola

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((((((Kelly Jo))))))))))

I would at least wait the 24 hours Lola suggest. I am having some other thoughts, too, but they are a cloud right now. So waiting would let me try to solidify them a bit, too!

I understand your anger and frustration. What I'm not sure of is the best way to express them, or not express them, to get you closer to your goal, and at the same time, maintain your self respect.

I'll be back!

[The Wifey]

(((Lolal))) (((Jeff)))

I've decided that I will set up the air mattress in the third bedroom and let him know just before he says he is going to bed that it is in there for him, with no other comment or R talk. If he asks why, what changed from this morning then I will read him my email.

God, I can't wait to go camping next weekend. It will be just me in my head for the weekend, with the dog for company.

[sgctxok]

I got your 'notify'.

I will check in on you later.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((Lolal))) (((Jeff)))

I've decided that I will set up the air mattress in the third bedroom and let him know just before he says he is going to bed that it is in there for him, with no other comment or R talk. If he asks why, what changed from this morning then I will read him my email.

God, I can't wait to go camping next weekend. It will be just me in my head for the weekend, with the dog for company.

(((((Kelly Jo)))))

I was thinking....
I like the email, but! I don't think he is ready to hear it. I think everything you said in it is right, and true. But it isn't going to help you get where you want to go.

But, you need to set a boundary! I was going to suggest that rather than the email, you tell him that if you are still separated he can't sleep in the same bed with you. And, I see, that you came to the same conclusion. If he asks questions, I don't know that I would go with the email, I would keep it simpler, perhaps. We are seperated, you may not sleep with me. Don't bring up what happened last night at all. It is in the past. He was VERY wrong, I think, to do what he did, but right now telling him that isn't going to help you. But setting boundaries for the future, starting today, can.

[girlfromipanema]

(((((((Wifey)))))))

I agree with Jeff's advice. And, I hear ya on the need to preserve your self respect. I'm the opposite of you, I let my husband take advantage of me all the time and I don't say a bloody word. I think that is going to have to change soon. Baby cakes, this is going to be one hell of a ride and it ain't easy or fun.

Have you received the DB book yet?

Camping sounds great, but I understand why your son is concerned... be careful! What are your plans for the holiday?

Take care.

[The Wifey]

I only said I would read him the email if he asked why I set up the air mattress. In my present frame of mind I don't know what to do. All I know is he hurt me terribly and I want to call him on it.

The boundaries will be set.

[The Wifey]

Jeff,

Where I want to go is fishing! Then to the bookstore and to pick up some wine. I plan to suntan today and try to relax.

Must..... not..... think...... about........ Bill.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((Kelly Jo)))))
I wouldn't read the letter in any case. If he asks questions, keep it simple. You are seperated, and you won't be sleeping together.

Fishing! That sounds like just the thing! Don't need to catch anything, just listen to the sounds, and soak up some sun! Where do you want to fish?

[The Wifey]

There's a little pond by our house that the people let me fish at. I usually de-barb the hook and do it just for fun.

Should I be distant or pleasant when he comes in the door? I'm not feeling too pleasant at the moment.