You are doing exactly what you don't want to do....and that is pushing him away. Stop the chase, just listen to what he has to say. He is saying that he is changing...OKAY.... if that is the case...then have you acknowledged those changes. If he has changed, then change with the changes he is demostrating...hope I helped...
Hi Cade, thanks again for dropping in. The email I sent him back today had a fairly long list (about 15 points) of changes that I had noticed about him.
The thing is that I need to work on myself to like myself enough to recognise gut feelings of 'no, I don't want him to stay over' and 'hmm..I want to see my friends tonight' and 'I'm really angry with what he said right now' - instead of having to mull it over for a week before I realise what I want(ed). I can't be his cheerleader too much with these changes...I need/want a chance to vent to get my hurts out there. All my hurts have been explicitly due to him. His hurts are partly due to me (back at around bomb time) but most of them are of his own making.
I'm hoping that this email exchange that has sort of started between me and h can continue. I won't know if it's working unless he emails me back though! I just haven't got enough emotional energy left to deal with him face to face or even over the phone, I need that buffer of time to think about my response adn not jump to conclusions about what he has to say.
I may post the email I wrote later on....I know that h really really hates it when I post on the Internet - he is a very private person - but really, who is going to know exactly who I am. It's not like its a small world. And you know what? Part of me doesn't care and even hopes that h will find this and read it and try to understand that I hurt too.
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
