A, As a general rule here, we ask posters to keep to one thread so that we can follow your situation.
I honestly do not believe that your h is actually ready to sit down and talk to you about what you both want. I suspect he's going to tell you he requires more time to sort himself out. MLC takes a very long time to work through and, in a way, you are pushing him to make a decision quickly. If he returns home, he will be miserable and make your life miserable as well. He could then run once again and this time, it would be worse than the first time. Since you are wanting answers to the million dollar question of what he wants, he may very well tell you to file for a divorce. They generally take the easiest way out of any situation at this time.
A, is there any way to do a legal separation? This would allow things to be spelled out and what you could expect in the way of monies while he's off on Mars? If not, he could very well promise you the moon just to get you off his back and then not provide for you at all. Has he been providing for you since he moved out?
In the meantime, make a list of all of your expenses so that you have some talking points when you meet w/your h. Money will be the second "sore" point w/him right now as he is most likely wanting not to share it w/anyone but himself and on his "fun" things.
I'm sorry you are in this situation. It's never easy, but when you have retirement looming in the wings, it does make one very uneasy as to how you will survive financially w/a spouse on Mars. It's going to be a very emotional and difficult conversation unless you can look at the discussion as a business deal and not as a husband and wife that are separated. Can you do this?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
