Hope4us struggle, part 6

[Hope4us]

Thanks ROOT. I totally agree with you on your point about her doing things like she did Monday night as a test to see if I'll get angry or try to "control" her. When she's done things like that to me I just detach further and most of the time it pulls her back in.

Case in point. Since last Sat night when she got kind of sarcastic with me when I asked her if she wanted to go out to eat I've pretty much retreated into a LRT. And lo and behold, last night she's trying to pull me back in. In the past I would fall for it and immediately start responding to her and then she'd pull something again and it's just been this back and forth - I detach, she pulls me back in, I respond, she pulls something to make me angry or she retreats, I detach and it starts over again.

I didn't talk to her last night about the move. I just wasn't in the right frame of mind to do it. I was TOO ANGRY and knew if I started the talk I would end up saying some things that I just didn't want to say. So I just pretty much was quiet most of the night. And wouldn't you know it? She starts engaging me in conversations, smiling at me, laughing with me, etc.

I talked to S16 and told him I wasn't going to talk to her about he move for a few days. And he was ok with that. We've got a long weekend coming up and there will be the perfect opportunity for the discussion to happen, so I'm probably going to wait until Fri/Sat for the talk. It will also give her some more time to think about it herself because S16 has been asking her about it and she's been trying to avoid the question. Let her think some and then this weekend I'll bring it up.

I won't be able to pass the buck to work on this one. She knows that IF I wanted to stay for a couple more years, work wouldn't have a problem with it. She knows if we'd get moved RIGHT NOW that it would be at my request. In a year, maybe I could pass it off on the company, but not right now.

And I totally agree we're not in piecing. And that's the hard part on me. Sitting here while she continues to disrespect me while she figures out what she wants to do. And that's why I think the separation would be a good thing. Because if we stay together while she figures it out, I'll end up being the WAS if/when she figures it out. And at this point, I'm not a LBS turned WAS yet, but it's getting close.

Thanks again, I appreciate the advise.