The rollercoaster of H's emotions continues.........
D4 and I picked H up from work last night. His car is in the shop and he set up a rental to pick up today to use until it's ready. On the way home, he was talking to his cousin's husband. They live in CA. I heard him say, Oh yeah, my brother told me that you guys were going to Vegas. Then he talked about how his brother wanted him to go and that now he thinks he will go. Then, he laughed and said, that is, if my wife will let me go. He looked at me. I shot him a....WTF? look. He was flirty the whole way home. I didn't say much. I was tired and didn't know what to say. H got his pillows and laid down on our bed. It took me a while but I finally got D4 to sleep. I showered and went to bed. I thought H was asleep. As I was starting to doze off, I heard him start huffing & puffing like he was mad or frustrated. Then, he grabbed his pillows and went to lay down ont he futon.
Today....H is angry with me again. I woke him & D4 up and got them going. I had to drop H off at the car rental office & D4 at school. I asked H where he wanted me to go first. Response: You do what you want!! Okay. I dropped H off first & took D4 to school. H is renting from the company I work for. I have access to his rental ticket. I didn't see it opened by 8:00 (his res. was at 7:30 am). I called H. He said...WHAT DO YOU WANT? I told him that I was just checking to make sure they got him into a car. He just said YES. Okay then!
I know that H called OW last night on her way home from work. I don't know if they talked. His call to her would have been just after he got mad and left our bed.
So, it appears that H is angry because I'm not breaking this time. I'm not overwhelmed with joy because he used the term "my wife" and I'm not rushing to be with him physically when he's in my bed. I'm tired of being his 2nd choice. I've been his 2nd choice for too long and too many times. It makes me angry that he could do all that he's done but when I don't rush back in his arms I'm the bad one and the one at fault.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
I'm okay. I thought about posting a lot this weekend but just didn't get a chance.
My parents came in town for the weekend. They went to our storage unit with me to get a bunch of D4's clothes she wore before. I sent the clothes home with them. My niece is taking them with her on a church trip where they volunteer at a shelter that houses a lot of teenagers & pregnant girls. She said that they have to collect things to donate, so I sent 7 LARGE bags full of clothes for her.
Since the 4th is only less than a week away and I was thinking about going home for it, we let D4 go back with my parents today. I'll go out on Friday and spend the weekend & bring her back. She was pretty excited. When she called a little bit ago, they'd just gotten in from using the slip & slide in the back yard. It makes me so happy that she's so comfortable with them & my sister's family.
I did get the summer hair cut I was thinking about. I went from from just below shoulder length up to the hair line. I'm going tomorrow to get some color in it to brighten it up a bit. Should be fun for summer.
H did some odd things over the weekend. On Friday, he called asking what we were going to be doing for dinner. I told him about the restaurant we were going to. There happens to be a pizza rest. right next door. We were almost done with dinner when H walked in to where we were. He acted very nice, but nervous. He talked to my parents a bit. They were nice, but as surprised as I was to see him. He told us that he was going to get pizza and was heading home. On Sat. I forgot the keycard for the storage area. I told him to just leave it at home for me before he went to work. I'd get it later. I was in the waiting area of the salon when he walked in & gave it to me. He was trying to be very, very nice. I denied him sex last night and now he's back to being rude. I don't think he knows what he's doing when our lease is up. I think Saffie is right and he was thinking he could come along until he's ready to go. My mom told me over the weekend that she's scared he'll force his way into moving with me. She blurted out that she feels like she hasn't seen me happy in years and that's what she wants to see again.
You know, I thought about something over the weekend. If H is trying to get back in good with me he's not doing a very good job of it. Getting angry & snapping any time he doesn't get his way? Isn't going to work this time. He left tonight and was very snippy. He said he was going to go hit golf balls. My opinion is that he'll be back around 8:00. That give him the 1/2 hr. it takes to get from OW's work to home. She takes a break from 7:30-8:00.
Well, I need to get a few more things done around here. I'm okay. I'm just tired. I'm mentally & physically tired. I thank God that I have D4. I truly do. She's honestly stopped me from letting some dark thoughts go any further than thoughts. I thought about how easy it would be just to get it over with and not have to deal with the pain any more. But, that would just create more pain for others. And then, I wouldn't be able to watch my beautiful little angel grow up. Thank God for her. I've come to far in this whole mess. I can go a little further.
-Sue
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
This is a temporary situation. It will pass and you will go on and have a happy life in the future. If the dark thoughts come back you must go to the doctor and ask for help. Please do it for D4.
Please take care of yourself..like sara said this will pass and things will get better. You have D4 and she is your family now.You will go on and be happy, I promise.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Hi Sue, Just want to let you know - it's hard to go through something like this without 'dark thoughts' surfacing. This experience can really shake your faith in yourself, and in the world around you. I'm glad you have your D as a lifeline - we all need those from time to time.
From what I have read of you here, I believe you are far too beautiful and special a person for those dark thoughts to win out. Don't let your pathetic-excuse-for-a-man H drag you down into the depths with him - he is simply not worth it. You have a wonderful, happy future ahead of you - believe that!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
I agree with the others whole heartedly......and make sure that excuse of a husband of yours knows he is NOT moving with you. If he wants you make him fight for you and change his ways.
Also, watch the deposit money refund....I just think he wants to get his hands on it.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Well, a couple of busy days at work have kept me from posting. Lurking a little, but not posting.
I'm feeling better now. Sara....Thanks! Rob & Saffie, as always, your posts lift me.
Life has been quiet around home the past few days. D4 has been with my parents. I'll go out on Thursday evening to spend the long 4th of July weekend with them & bring her back home with me. She's so sweet. I got lots of "I Love You Mommy" from her on the phone. She told me that she's excited that I'm going to be there to watch the fireworks with her. H has been around, but quiet. He picked up his vehicle from the mechanic today....1200.00, plus 165.00 for a week of a rental car. OUCH! Good thing he had all the money tucked away. He got some tickets in the mail today for a play in November. It hit me tonight that OW's birthday is in November. Guess it's her birthday present. He still isn't talking about what's going on with his end of this whole mess.
My boss took me out for lunch today just to talk about how I am doing.....personally & professionally. It was a fun lunch. He grew up around Chicago and although we didn't know each other at the time, we both worked in the same office in Chicago too. We know a lot of the same people & have a lot in common. I told him about my new apartment and he asked the same question as my other boss......did you sign a 12 month lease. It was nice to hear that they want me to stick around. I know that they were both concerned that this split with H would send me back home by my family in South Dakota. I love my job and I like it here. If H leaves for CA, as he's mentioned, then I might consider going home. But not now.
Well, it's getting late for me. I need to sign off. Thanks everyone!
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Glad you are feeling better. I know you are getting excited about going to see your daughter on Thursday. I am getting excited about picking my daughter up at the airport on Thursday. Tomorrow I will clean her room (and most of the house) in preparation. I feel like I need to plan fun things for us to do, but I don't know what she will want to do. She may just want to stay in bed and sleep late every day!
