Real life is----part 5

[Starshyne]

Yes I can see what is going to happen in the future very clearly. OW isn't me and she isn't going to be as patient or understanding as I am. When H was fired from his job last summer I was very understanding and told him that the money aspect wasn't as important to me as his feelings and we worked through that together (this was after we had been through counseling). That was a very good moment in our marriage actually. OW will yell and scream if he ever got fired from a job. After H had a sexual experience with a prostitute (why we went to counseling) and thought he had AIDS, I was the person who went to doctor's appointments with him, found information online to help ease his fears and told him that I would stick by him regardless of the outcome. OW will not be like that. H has issues that not very many people can't understand. They annoy most people, but they never bothered me. I had patience with him and worked with him. I know it is no longer my problem, but I do worry about him without my help. Maybe that is silly of me. But that is the truth.

I honestly would love H and I to at some point waaaaaay down the line be friends again. I like him as a person inspite of all he has done to me. Sometimes I think it would have been best for us if we were just friends and never got married. I still cherish the past 5 years and if I had my life to live over again, I would still want H to be a part of it. We did so many wonderful things together and he taught me more than anyone I have ever met. Feeling really sentimental tonight just looking over the past and remembering good times. There were so many of them that far outweigh the past 8 months. And those are what I want to remember about my marriage, not this awful stuff.