Thanks for checking in on me. I had an incredible swim tonight. I love the feeling of my body moving through the water. I can feel my muscles move, propelling my mass forward, and the glide that follows. It's all so clean and fluid, like a seduction of flow.
I'm okay. I don't know - a bit erratic I guess, but feeling okay with that. It's all part of the process.
That reminds me of a poem I once memorized. Can't remember the name of the poem, or the poet, or even if these are the right words, but here goes:
"When I'm in a field I'm the absence of field. This is always the case. Wherever I am I am what is missing. When I walk the air parts before me and always the air fills in the spaces where my body's been.
We all have reasons for moving. I move to keep things whole."
I know I'm late with my comments, but I was stuck in my head for a few days and lost my ability to type much. But now I'm betta, so here goes...
Originally Posted By: lodo
What the author advocates is an embrace of the mourning process, an extraction of the "I" from the "we." In mourning, one passes from loss to the restoration of independence. You may not end up the same person you were before. You may be scarred and damaged and more emotional and who knows what else. But you are whole again. And in that wholeness, you have the chance to transcend what you had become - the compromised individual - and develop into something greater. A phoenix, bursting from the flames of a R spiraling out of control into the depths of hell. A wonder to behold, springing from the abyss itself.
I like what the author is saying, but what happens when we find a new relationship? Does that mean we are no longer whole or once again compromised? Or is it our responsibility to understand how to maintain our new found wholeness once embarking on the new relationship?
Originally Posted By: lodo
I can definitely relate. I've spent months now in mourning. Look at my thread title if you don't believe me. But will I be a phoenix? I don't think so. I think it's more like the Darwinian fish, pulling itself from the depths to flop about for awhile in the muck at the edge of the water. I gasp and gasp and gasp and think I'll die, but I don't. So I lay there for awhile ... and I'm not dead. And I prop myself up on fins that were never intended for walking, and I set out to find something new. It's all painful and new and I don't want to be doing it, but here I am and I am and I am and I will.
This was so good. I'm always amazed how so many of you can put my thoughts into words so eloquently.
Originally Posted By: lodo
What I wonder at is my W. The succinct one. The decider. No show of emotion on her part. Complete focus on the task at hand. How does that work? Is it denial, total detachment, apathy, avoidance? Hard sayin' not knowin', but I'm glad I don't do that. I'd rather annoy my friends by talking about my feelings too much than never say anything to them about how I feel.
I'll take the feeling talker over the stoic any day. Hopefully your wife will realize the importance of sharing what goes on in that head of hers someday.
Have a happy night, lodo.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Had a dinner party for a friend who W does some work for - great conversations, lots of fun. W had just returned and I'd invited her. She said she wanted to come, then later said she might not but didn't want to offend me. I told her she wouldn't offend me and that I thought she might not feel like cooking. She said that was exactly how she felt so would come over.
Anyway, I flubbed a bit on the food but not too bad. Could have been better though. Things went fine with W, but after she left the friend asked what the hell was going on. Asked who W was seeing. I told her and she said she had had her suspicions. Anyway, we both started ripping into the whole sitch and I had just enough to drink that I said more than I'd intended.
I feel a little bad this AM because I probably shouldn't have said anything due to their working sitch, but oh well. I'm getting D, I think I can be upset about how this has played out.
Anyway, I flubbed a bit on the food but not too bad. Could have been better though. lodo
Yeah, I can only imagine what you consider "flubbing," Lode. Shoelaces untied on the little cornish game hens' little shoes? LOL
I'm sure it was AWESOME!
I don't think there's anything wrong with how you answered the friend/co-worker. You didn't initiate it, after all -- you were just answering her question.
I don't think that you should feel like the sitch is not to be talked about. It's what is going on in your life. Not like you were trash talking W, even if you expressed some negative feelings you have about the whole thing. BTW - your house is awesome!
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
Ok guys, how come no one has mentioned this yet? lodo has a dinner party. Dinner party is a female friend. STBXW has returned early from 'the field'. STBXW gets herself invited to dinner party. Is this weird? Did she come home because she heard about your party? I suppose I am just missing some details.
Flubbed on the food? yeah, that sounds like a comment my H made when he was asked to give a little demo at my clinic last weekend. He was riding Stud Horse bridleless and loping circles and said he was doing a few extra circles because Stud Horse wasn't paying attention to him. The response from the crowd was 'can you train my horse to not pay attention that good?' as all watched with open jaw.
I can tell I flubbed the food when hot dogs split open or the grilled cheese turns black.
What's the big plan for a long holiday weekend?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
