Trying ... well if you can call it that, I guess.

[Abbey]

No worries about asking about the EA ... cuz the T and I discussed it as well. I mean we were close friends, and I DID park my attention there because the H seemed so unavailable to me when I needed him at times. (He just didn't know how to cope with this person, who wasn't coping well, if you know what I"m saying). So while I feel on one level I did everything "right" by insuring it was platonic, having discussions between to make sure it stays that way etc,... yes, if we ever get to therapy the EA will be what I'd empathize with. I'm pragmatic in what my actions made H feel. Regardless of my intent my philo is at the end of the day if something you do makes a person feel trashed, THAT then becomes the issue and the pressing matter.

H felt that my closeness to the guy was replacing him, no doubt. Yet, he still believes my involvement with him was physical. Before I moved out, I even spoke to him about how he felt unneeded and it would be like an emotional affair type of thing for him to feel... and he just jumped all over that apparently as some sort of admission to "more" without saying so. He's pretty intent on believing and hearing only what he wants to which hin his mind with help from the parasite is that it was physical. The truth and reason and empathy isn't going to get me anywhere unless it's in a controlled enviro.

Never the less, the deal was no contact with either of those folks... give us A CHANCE to try, only he didn't keep up his end of his bargain. I did, but he surely had no intent of doing that. The day I left, they've been tied at the hip. I waited a month before talking to the guy in question and saw him once to say "good bye" for good and to apologize for how befriending me cost him so much. He told me then that the H accused him of trying to help me put us back together because he felt guilty for sleeping with his wife. H is irrational about this. Thus why I'm so convinced I'm so... er... snookered.

It really is a quandary for me... what will and won't undermine his assumptions and hurt. He said before we split something like: "we'll see" when it comes to how much effort I put into being his friend. He's leaving ME for god sakes... and he still feels like he gets to play the "abandoned" boy... I just don't know WHAT is the right thing to do. Not push and space ... or dive in and prove him wrong that I can be the best friends we used to be.

Never mind the parasite's aspect of this... I mean I know I'll just be banging my head against the cement to try to wiggle back into his heart a little... until some of the shine has worn off his new toy, ya know what I mean?

I'm stuck between the spot of it's too soon ... and I better get crackin'. I dunno... I'm not even sure how receptive he'll be if I do try the more friendship thing yet ...the shine HAS to wear off the new toy somewhat. I don't think my emotions can handle a full on competition where I'm as such a disadvantage at the moment.

Abbey