2 1/2 years later and on the mend...

[peaceful_spirit]

I haven't posted on the MLC board in quite a while. But I've been following many posts here.

My story is a twisted, crazy one. Then again, most of ours are, if we're here... watching our spouses go through a crazy alien-like tranformation. And some of you here already know my story. I just thought it would be worthwhile... even cathartic to re-tell it today.

Anyway, in Jan of 06, my H gave me the speech. I was blind-sided. Spent the next two weeks desperately trying to latch onto my H and keep him from pulling away. Yeah... that didn't work.

On Feb 4th, H told me he wanted to separate. Of course, there was "nobody else". Silly, silly me for believing such nonsense.

Okay... let me try to nutshell the next few months.
- found out H had an OW. H said he hasn't loved me in years. H moved out
- I was...what's the word...immobilized. I was left to care for our 18 month old and 3 year old.
- I got stronger... asked for a D. That scared H and he came home (by this time it was mid-March)
- H couldn't give OW up. Missed her. Couldn't stay away. When he came home, confirmed that he didn't want me... we were too damaged to repair.
- I was once again, crushed.
- I got stronger. Moved forward wtih a L. Went to mediation with H. Moving towards D.

Here's where it got really bad. H came and went many times. But each time he came home, he couldn't break ties with OW. Too hard for him.

H had his own place. I was in our home with our kids. When H started spinning out of control, I started to just let him spin. Each time he would leave (many times at my request, due to his behavior), I would find a way to make my life MY life. I would find happiness in an otherwise bad situation. I would envision a happy life without my H.

I think the key to my making it through this was my accepting that I very well may end up D. And once I got to a point where I could be okay with that... where I actually believed I could find happiness without H, that is where the real strength came in.

I was no longer "losing control" of the situation. I was in complete control of me. And wow... that was empowering.

H would see this strength and continue to come to me for help... saying he wanted to be with me, but didn't know why he had such a strong pull.

This back and forth went on for about a year... maybe a little more.

Now, H is moved back home. He has been for a year now. Not all of this past year was good. In fact, some was down right bad.

But now, H and I have a different R. We communicate in ways we hand't before. We resolve conflict much differently now. I now let H be H, rather than trying to control him (as I once did).

Despite thsi very long post, I am leaving a lot of my story out. But the gist of my story is this... H went through a mid-life crisis of some sort. He was very lost, confused, void of emotion, distant, etc... He went a bit crazy. He lived through is own personal hell. And he found his way out. I was here when he came otu the other end.

Many people would have walked after waht H put me through. But for some reason, I didn't. Some might respect me for it. Other might think me pathetic. I guess I don't care what others think about my R anymore. All I care about is that I am whole, H is whole and my family is whole.

There are no guarantees in life. That is a big lesson i learned. You just have to take waht God gives you and find a way to deal.

Anyway, I was just feeling like I wanted to share my experiences.