I don't know if I'd waste too much time talking and arguing about this. And so what if it IS ABOUT YOU??? Aren't you entitled to want some things your way? You work hard, and if you are the main bread winner and this is part of your career path well then you have ALL the right to make this decision.

Of course, don't tell her this. Just tell her this is something about this being something you have to do for work (pass the buck!), and leave it at that.

Don't waste words and aguements on this. Just figure a date, and let the family know when that is. Then you can tell her privately that you want her to come along, but understand that she may feel confused about where she wants to go with her life and if she wants to stay to think over things and figure things out then you understand (even encourage it!). Be nice and emotionally generou.

I wouldn't point out, or blame her, regarding things like her going shopping after work and not calling you. I suspect she may be trying to get you mad so you will react and make it easier for her to keep idolizing OM and wanting to stay and wait for him. Don't give her that satisfaction!

Based on what you've described, I don't think you are in piecing or reconciliation. I think she's still debating the marriage. I wouldn't talk about your relationship with her. I'd be giving LOTS of leash.... and I'd GAL and focus on me.... and concentrate on making myself irresistible to the opposite sex (not just W). Let the darn woman have to WIN YOU over!

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.