If she says something about how she's given up because she tried, agree. (And this goes for other topics of conversation as well - it's about validating and being an active listener on all fronts) Find whatever little piece of it, whether 20% of her comment, that you can find it in your heart to agree with, and wholeheartedly do so. Be safe to talk to and confide in.
E.g. If she says, "I tried, but it's too late now and I'm done" say "I understand why you feel that way". No matter how much you want to argue that it's NOT too late, that it can be fixed, empathize with her emotions. Validate her feelings, logical or not (and emotions usually aren't lol).
It seems like you are making an effort to listen and not comment, so this might be taking it one step further from what I understand of your stitch.
It's good that you can joke around with her a little. That is definitely a positive!
One warning from a woman's perspective, be careful on the timing. As is always true, half of humor is the timing. And if she feels for some reason you are not taking her or the situation seriously, she might be annoyed/angry rather than amused.
Okay, back to work for me! Lol.
no bringing up the R correct? As much as i want to..
red, I'm sure this is hurting you. I don't know that you need to be SO upbeat all the time. I know in MY sitch, it would bother my h if I acted like everything was fine. He'd get the idea that I just don't care.
But, my h is quite a unique one...
so what do i do? i am so upbeat... W is breaking out and has exzema going on.. sh is stresses obviously..she wants to watch a movie tonight.. can i ask anything at all about our R?
I would say no R talk yet unless she initiates it. She needs to work through her thoughts and feelings without any "pushing" from you. A deadline, or perception of one, will only stress her out more.
Be her friend. If she wants to be serious and wants to talk, then do it as much as you can handle. But don't push any R talks on her.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I would say no R talk yet unless she initiates it. She needs to work through her thoughts and feelings without any "pushing" from you. A deadline, or perception of one, will only stress her out more.
Be her friend. If she wants to be serious and wants to talk, then do it as much as you can handle. But don't push any R talks on her.
hi Michelle
yes be her friend.. oddly enough she has our wedding picture in "her" bedroom.. and she keeps the notes i write from the cats ..
someone told me, act as if you just met and were trying to court her again from square 1.. (i think dry_heat said square zero even)...
i just worked out for nearly 2 hours.. man did i burn alot of negativity away i am, sore but feel greeeeeat!!
Duh i told her about the tattoo i am getting.. i should have just gotten it... she would never see me getting a tattoo.. she knows i am usually a wussy
i don't know what step to do next, i am sitting with the papers in the trunk of my car. i don't want to start a fight but the date of our S is wrong..she put May 17, but it was May 19...big deal?
Well you know, I'm SO not good at this, but being that you just got served last night it could be a chance to bring it up? You know like, "I'd love to watch a movie, but I need to go over the paperwork I got last night." That would likely lead to a discussion.
OK. Bad idea. Maybe just not even bringing it up will totally confuse her. She's expecting you to confront her with it...
Like I said, I suck at DB.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Well you know, I'm SO not good at this, but being that you just got served last night it could be a chance to bring it up? You know like, "I'd love to watch a movie, but I need to go over the paperwork I got last night." That would likely lead to a discussion.
OK. Bad idea. Maybe just not even bringing it up will totally confuse her. She's expecting you to confront her with it...
Like I said, I suck at DB.
Hi Ladybug how's your day going? (good i hope)
yes she is expecting me to react... i refuse to... instead i decided today i would be extra super happy.. is it the wrong approach..? i don't know.. but she seemed to smile alot today..
i think we will just watch the movie(s).. her cousing will be here as well ( the one i get along with famously)..
Not sure how it works up there, but if that is the date the court will use to split assets, it may not be a big deal, it might even work in your favor. 2 days probably wouldn't make a difference though unless something drastic happened.
So, is it worth trying to change it? If so, how would you do it in the way least likely to actually start a fight? If not, leave it be.
I say do a 180. Keep working on surprising her! Enjoy the time together, it's just paper after all!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
You're letting her around your head with scissors? You're a brave one. I'm not doing well...see my thread.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Not sure how it works up there, but if that is the date the court will use to split assets, it may not be a big deal, it might even work in your favor. 2 days probably wouldn't make a difference though unless something drastic happened.
So, is it worth trying to change it? If so, how would you do it in the way least likely to actually start a fight? If not, leave it be.
I say do a 180. Keep working on surprising her! Enjoy the time together, it's just paper after all!
180 it is, and no 2 days, big deal! a friend told me it's hard to fight when there is noone to fight with.. i haven't put one iota of fight ... only the first 2 weeks when i cried and begged and did it ALL wrong..
W just cut my hair, trimmed my beard.. we got along famously.. her cousin was there.. we joked around.. i said something to my W like, it looks like i am 10 years younger.. cousin heard you are going for someone 10 years younger.. W said she thought she heard that too.. not a peep from me... nothing.. just finished the haircut.. thanked W.. and said what do i owe you.. W said dinner..so... hmmm... i am cooking steaks right now as W is now doing cousins hair.. cousin said i look really tanned and I clean up good ...
W smiled...
now i need a hot bath to soothe my soooore muscles.. i did a 2 hour workout...
