Your posts are a bit like taking a seminar class...thank you for posting the "deep stuff"!
You're doing so well, even when you may not necessarily agree, much easier to see looking in.
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It seems like I learn something and walk, holding it in my hand. Sometimes the awareness is like sand and slips through, having to be something to pick up again and again
And we here do a lot of picking it up again & again....a life long process I guess.
The kids are going to their Dad's apartment tomorrow, driving the half hour down. I had asked my 18 year old if he knew where his Dad lived because of college forms which asked for addresses of both parents. That's when I found out they were going there tomorrow.
I'd been looking at that form, thinking it would be easier to put the home address. I wasn't going to put his Dad's until I knew they knew. Once he said yes, I figured, off with the veil of secrecy and filled his address in. I said I'd known but couldn't say anything until his dad told them. Only then did my 18 year old mention what sounded like a different apartment number. Ugh.
Their dad seems to be calling them more. I hear his voice projecting from the cellphones. Maybe he's excited to be more open. My daughter told me he asked her if she was avoiding his calls. She said she's just been awfully busy. It seems the two boys hear from him more often. I never realized his voice was so loud.
Later when my daughter and I were shopping for birthday cards, she asked me if her dad had been invited to the BBQ. I said I didn't know. "No problem, I'll ask him tomorrow when I see him." *gulp* That particular quandry was taken care of when her dad called. First thing out of her mouth.. "Are you going to the BBQ?" Who knows what will happen next.
I'm not even going to worry about crossing that bridge. I'm sure it will be messy.. ugh.
Before the kids' dad left, his family often blamed me for whatever went wrong. When I started going out of my way to visit their mom without even being asked (it's a 90 minute drive one way), their attitude started softening.
Blood is thicker than water. toss in some dirt with water and mud gets pretty interesting (mud pies!) or awfully messy.
It's a learning curve, right? The best thing I can do with the kids is to try to remember to keep my mouth shut, LISTEN and not pry. It's funny that everything to do with their dad involves not telling me. Anything to do with me is an open book. I know that's a good thing. Perhaps the kids are protecting me and themselves but because I still get visibly upset (hold my breath, flush red, have some 'tell' that only children know).
Nothing I can do about it, no need to worry. Just keep plodding.
I'm still being a weenie about writing back to the lawyer. I'll do that tomorrow.
I think you are handling the BBQ thing well. Not hiding anything, but not really going out of your way to inform H. It's not up to you to keep his social calendar up to date. When is the BBQ anyway? Do you have plans for the 4th itself?
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
The BBQ is the 5th about 90 minutes away. My daughter and I were invited to stay with another sis-in-law overnight and hang out as long as we wanted.
A good friend in the area invited me to come to her house on the 4th. It depends on what my daughter is up to, if she wants to bring a friend or go to a friend's house. If not.. well. no other kids her age will be around.
Decisions decisions.. make it about her discomfort or a social occasion for me??? Hmmmm
Looking at alternative is kinda neat.
*hugs*
And of course I'm doing well because there's been no divorce stuff with their dad.
Their dad's priority in life is not me. It's to 'live his own life'. Not being a priority means even though he might have some concern about my wellbeing it's nothing compared to what he feels for his girlfriend and where he is now.
Any extra booboo's and sorrows I carry over his current actions are those of my own making. His abrupt departure and behavior are things I have to deal with. But feeling personally attacked by actions that have nothing to do with me isn't a reason to fall apart.
It sucks to be in this position. But then again, for many years I never felt good enough. I don't need that type of thinking, especially since I'm the one I have to answer to.
Just brushing a little more dirt off as I get back up and find balance.
*hugs*
I'm still in shock over his way of leaving... very disappointing.
I'm still in shock over his way of leaving... very disappointing.
Is there really a way that is not disappointing Gypsy? Failure on their parts is failure. It is just different levels of failure that we view. There really is no good way of doing this.
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Their dad's priority in life is not me. It's to 'live his own life'. Not being a priority means even though he might have some concern about my wellbeing it's nothing compared to what he feels for his girlfriend and where he is now.
Honestly Gypsy, you don't know that for sure. You have no idea where his head is at. Be grateful because if you understood him right now we would have to take you out back and flog you. Anyone who understands crazy, well you know.......
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It sucks to be in this position. But then again, for many years I never felt good enough. I don't need that type of thinking, especially since I'm the one I have to answer to.
This statement dear Gypsy is where your focus needs to be. Why you didnt feel good enough, what you were thinking, how it affected your actions, and how to prevent it in the future.
Looks to me like some reading is in order for you young lady. So here are my favorites:
The third one is interesting as I have done this a few times over the years being in management. I am a firm believer that in order to improve oneself you must understand your personality type.The third is a link to a Briggs Meyer test.....I bet I already know what you are.
Thanks for stopping by! I must be in a fretting mood because I can't seem to get past a thought. It's a reminder that "deep stuff" is great as long as I make it back to the surface.
Okay, you've convinced me.. I won't try and know what's in his mind! I'll really really try.
The books look interesting. I remember taking the Briggs and Meyer test in college. My intuition/perception was off the chart, I was just a smudge on the introvert side.. I can't remember the rest. I would have made a good priest, writer and some other professions I don't recall. I tried an online test with 72 questions last night and came up as a Performer. Still not quite there. Perhaps the fluke of picking this name (based on the musical) might be more 'me' than I expected.
