What you need to foster at those times is an emotional connection, via non-sexual touch. A warm hug, a quick non-sexual kiss, even a possessive little pat on the behind is alright, but going beyond that is not welcome JUST THEN. Save it for when it will be welcome.
This is going to sound defensive, but I've been doing that for 12 years. I really don't think she sees a connection between any non-sexual touching (hugs, pats, light kisses, fingers in the hair, a squeeze on the shoulder or an arm around the waist) and anything to do with sex. I promise you that a lack of this kind of loving touching is not at issue.
DanceQueen, of course you're right and both men AND women do this for exactly the reason you guessed--it's an ego stroke to think that you're sexy enough to distract someone from what they're doing. It's certainly not something men do and women dislike--women do it all the time.
However, I wasn't exactly doing that. I didn't want her to have sex with me at that moment, I just wanted to touch her momentarily because I'm trying to follow the advice I was given here--remember how I'm supposed to be seductive all day, outside the bedroom? I'm just trying to do that--the idea is to keep giving her little reminders of our sexual relationship outside the bedroom, at least as I understand it. (Well, that and I enjoy touching her breast--who am I kidding?) I wasn't asking her to drop anything; we were standing in a doorway, kissing.
She told me honestly enough what happened. She wasn't busy, people weren't watching, she just followed her "instinct" and pushed me away.
We took the kids to the pool today and had a good time, and on the way home I joked that we would give the baby a bath, put him to bed and take a shower together to get the pool water off. I got a polite half-smile. Later, when I put the baby to bed and lay down on our bed for a few minutes, she came up and kissed me, saying we should go have dinner and put the twins to bed, and then she would "make it up to you." She keeps saying that.
Anyway, here we are sitting in the living room with dinner done and the kids playing. I guess I'll see what happens when the kids go to bed. On the one hand, I don't really like that she's going to "make it up to me." On the other hand, that's fairly petty thinking. I'm trying to get her to do more of something I really like and she really doesn't, so it's not really fair to hope that she'll pretend it's not all my idea.
