Another Brand New Day

[Puddle]

Sunny, do you still want H?

[L21959]

Hey Sunny...

Yuck...yucky , yuckier , yuckiest !! How's that for an answer?!?!

Oh pally, if CVA sees this as a pattern, then i would encourage you to just keep sitting on those hands/duct tape that pretty mouth/remember not to drink your own personal bottle of wine (that was thanksgiving, wasn't it??? )

I would suggest that this holiday is not the time to draw your line in the sand...will you/can you be with others/friends during the day/evening, or is it pretty much just the 4 of you? Maybe the thing to do is set yourself a non-holiday deadline (like 2 months from today...no, that would be labor day...oops...so maybe in a month) as a time to take stock and see how you feel then. Doesn't mean you have to make a big change, but it would give you a finite time frame for reassessment. I get the sense that these days you are just rolling along with everything in flux...

And I've heard/seen this before:

(you can come if you want to, you need to eat, right?), so it would look like I just came along. That way he's being true to OW.

When I look/listen carefully at how H says things, it's pretty much just this way...and he reports back to OW about things he's done as if I didn't exist or somehow was a non-participant in the family most of the time (Okay, so I'm still snooping his email sometimes...)

I've got to run now...end of the day at work, and the computer's acting squirrely...don't want to lose this. I'll be back, however, this evening...

Love and hugs to you,(((Sunny)))

L

[L21959]

And then as I am blithering on, Puddle cuts right through to the guts of the matter in a single sentence...

Great post Puddle....how ya doin?

l

[Nomopo]

Whew! For weeks I haven't been able to log in from BB. Now I can.

Ok, I like Puddle's Question. You could answer that.

But let's pretend we're all still DBing here. (Newbies-puddle and I aren't really, or are we?) anyway, what is step 5 of DR? Something like review how your strategy is working right?

So, sunny, my love, how's it working for you? Have you progressed in your 14 months? Or are you in a rut? Or a holding pattern? Didn't you say that dumbass, jackass H of yours is comfortable? So, maybe time to try something new. Standing still feeling good?

Hey, want those two coaching sessions I bought and never used?

Hi puddle, CVA, and L2. And any other old friends I missed.

Call my cell anytime. In Israel on business!caby sleep.

Love, and hugs, and onward and upward,
Nomo

[SunnySeason]

Hey Gypsy,

How do you do it? I'm trying to move forward but not get divorced, if that makes sense. The more it goes on, the more I realize I don't believe in divorce.. I just don't. I believe you work through things. We let things fester forever.. now I have a different understanding of what is possible.

That is the trick isn't it, to detach as much as possible & move forward w/out pushing it into a D.

I remember thinking in week one of all this, that we would have something resolved before his B-Day 6 weeks later.
That was before I knew there was OP, or that they had the A going on for so long.
The combination of OW & MLC is a nasty one, I'm afraid.
I admire you for how you're handling it all though.

Yuck...yucky , yuckier , yuckiest !! How's that for an answer?!?!

Oh pally, if CVA sees this as a pattern, then i would encourage you to just keep sitting on those hands/duct tape that pretty mouth/remember not to drink your own personal bottle of wine (that was thanksgiving, wasn't it???

Boy, you have a great memory L, although I just bought another case of good wine today, I don't plan on drinking any bottles myself anytime soon. I also stocked up on Organic carrot juice, so at least it'll kinda cancel out.

Ok, I like Puddle's Question. You could answer that.

But let's pretend we're all still DBing here. (Newbies-puddle and I aren't really, or are we?) anyway, what is step 5 of DR? Something like review how your strategy is working right?

So, sunny, my love, how's it working for you? Have you progressed in your 14 months? Or are you in a rut? Or a holding pattern? Didn't you say that dumbass, jackass H of yours is comfortable? So, maybe time to try something new. Standing still feeling good?

Hey, want those two coaching sessions I bought and never used?

Yes, Puddle,I would like to have the option of an intact, successful M, w/him. Although it's being chipped away at daily.
I'm not the type to give up easily. Apparently

Oh Nomo,

I have a card sitting here that I meant to send off a month ago....I am thinking of you though & will give you a call.

Holding pattern is the best description I think, so I'm about to try something new, if I can get off my hands & actually do it.
Sometimes I think, even if standing still isn't going anywhere, it's easy to "freeze up", the trick may be in knowing the difference between pressuring & nudging.

Yes, I would love those left-over sessions, I used to say I like left-overs, but now that I am one I might have changed my mind.

Thanks for the support.....

Sunny

[SunnySeason]

Okay, so it's taken me a while, but I'm finally there.

Time to take my life back.

Started with an e-mail yesterday to H, giving him the choice of having S5 on 4th for the day until 5pm, or the night for fireworks, etc.


Nothing about why I changed my mind from spending the day w/us as a "family", & spending the night in the guest room because of traffic concerns after the show. That is not an option.

I also parked my car in the back of the house when I came home, something I rarely do.

I get an e-mail this morning;

"I promsed him fireworks on the 4th. We should proceed as planned. I can take him to (my house) but that would be wrong. We can talk more about it"

I can tell when there are typo's, that someone is a little shaken. Control is slipping away, & he doesn't like the feel of that.

I read this on James85's thread this morning from Phoenixdeau & thought it said it best;

I was talking about something for you...not some surefire way to get your wife back. What do you think it will do for your self-esteem if she walks back into the house like nothing happened and you just take it...perhaps say, "welcome back. Did you have fun?" I was suggesting how you save yourself, and in the process let your wife know that you won't accept that, and do have the backbone to enforce a personal boundary. She either will or won't respect you for it, but who cares. She needs to be winning you back after this, not the other way around.


James, my one bit of what I think is reality...others can argue if they like. It doesn't really matter a whole lot what you do right now. Whatever you do probably won't kill your chances...or alternatively bring her rushing back into your arms. She's going to do whatever it is she's going to do and won't approach you (if she's ever going to) until she reaches the decision to. Will she look upon you better as the guy that didn't put up with a cheater or the guy that accepted it and continued to let her live with you? Think about if she came back under either scenario. In which case do you think she'd feel better about the relationship and be more willing to stay true-the you that was a given or the you that she had to fight to win back?

I think I've allowed the cheater to go on freely for too long now, & the betrayal to go as far as it has & I won't tolerate it anymore.

I'm feeling really strong & clear.

Sunnysideup

[Puddle]

Hey Sunny,

I'm feeling really strong & clear.

Sounds like you've reached a new place. What's your plan?

((((Sunny)))), I'm thinking about you. Take care.





[/quote]

[L21959]

(((Sunny)))

I say 'you go, girl'... you are absolutely noone's leftovers!! If this is what really feels right for you, then go for it...

I read that same post...strong stuff, and so true.

I'm not too far behind you, i think...

Love and hugs, sweetsunnyJ,

L

[Kalni]

I am not sure what your post meant, it sure was "catchy" though...

If it means what I think it means we call it "play it all for nothing". If you are ready for the "nothing", you go ahead and play it all... Phoenixdeau post is great!!! I like his posts a lot.

We are here, to suport you 100%...
Love
K

[SunnySeason]

My plan Puddle, is to live my life without H controlling how it goes.

I just e-mailed him again re: the 4th & his desire to spend it w/us as a family;

"Actually, I'm having guests on the night of the 4th, so that's out. S5 would still see the fireworks w/me, so no worries there. Let me know if you'd like the day or the night."

Thanks,
Sunny

I thought I would get instant blow-back & I did;


"We had agreed that I would be there the night of the 4th. I don't want to pull S5 away from his cousin D on the 4th and I promised to be with S5 on the 4th. So, I will stay there until after the fireworks. Thejn if you want I will leave.

But do not try to change what we had planned. That is BS."

He'll be over to P/U S's for dinner tonight, so better prepare for the worked up H, it's so annoying when you can't have a double life in peace.

Hey L, come on over, I'm just joining Kalni et al. & there's strength in #'s.

I am not sure what your post meant, it sure was "catchy" though...

I just love that.......

Sunny