Where is the real me? What do I want?

[sandi2]

Keeping the peace has always been job #1 for me. I hate hate hate when people are angry regardless if they are angry with me or just angry.

May be JMHO, but I think that some people, and especially those that tend to be abusive, will take advantage of a person like you that hates any type of emotional upset (especially anger). Are you a quite or timid person? If so, that makes it even worse, b/c you probably won't "sound off" back at the one that is angry towards you or you bend way over too far backward in trying to keep everyone happy.....and we all know how impossible that is. You must be very miserable. I can hardly imagine how miserable it would be on a kind and gentle person that cannot handle anger.

I think h feels like I blame him for everything and that I am completely innocent

Why do you feel that way? Is it really b/c you feel you don't communicate that well or is it based on some statements he has made to you?

I may have just realised something. I don't want to open up to him because I will feel exposed.

Well, honey I would too if I thought somebody was going to be verbally abusive and make me feel like crap.

He has tried ot open up to me and i have rejected him so he's licking his wounds.

If that is really true......you know men can't handle any type of rejection from their W. They want us to be their number one cheerleader in all things. But, I have my doubts about it being really that way. I believe it is more that he has made you "think" that he is licking his wounds b/c of your rejection. I have known men like this that can turn things around to make the W think she is the bad guy and he is the one that has been done wrong and lay a guilt trip on her, when all along he has been the one that was bad to her.

The thing is I was trying to protect myself from getting in too deep too quick (again).

Of coure you were. I would think that would be the natural reaction of a person that has been put down and verbally abused......to protect yourself.

If I have your H all wrong, I apologize, but I don't think I do. I've seen men like him in action and I know what they can make a wife believe about themselves and even other people around them.....like family, friends, etc. It is a sort of brainwashing technique.

The writing emails might be the best route to take for now due to the emotional state of things. At least, you can say what you want without him interrupting you.

I am going to visit Cade on his thread. Maybe he could be instrumental in giving you advice.

Take care....please....and be careful.

Sandi