Sounds like you handled it amazingly. I'm sure SIL felt uncomfortable being the one to serve you the papers so you reaction and your being dignified and classy must have been a huge relief for her.
If you can stick it out for the night and be the great guy that you are I say hang out.. but if you are starting to feel angry or aggressive or agitated I think a walk or a drive would be better than a backslide.
Nice to meet a fellow Canadian.
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. "Happy (early) Canada Day"
Hugs, W2G
I left, i went for a drive, turns out my good friend and his kids were having a fire in the backyard, great kids.. i like them.. we sat had a beer or 2 and i just got home (145 AM)..
what angers me is that she could have waited a few days, but no she does it on my parents 24th wedding anniversary...
And total congrats on being very calm/classy/dignified about it!!!!!!
yes W was looking at me as i thanked SIL and her BF for coming for dinner, and told SIL BF " see you friday for squash"... didn't say anything to W.. couldn't really look at her...
showed her some panphlet on Mexico that came in the mail, then excused myself and said "i am just going out .."
i couldn't sit there and watch a movie and pretend nothing happened..
on my drive home, i was angry she served me on my parents anniversary.. i wished i had never met her.. i know i don't mean it.. but i was alone driving in the dark and i said it..
While I have moments where I feel the same way about my H....realistically he DOES think he tried to save it. I didn't see it, and since he was being passive aggressive and didn't tell me what was wrong it seems like he missed what should have been the EASIEST thing by asking for what he needed, but he DOES feel like he tried. Your W probably does too. And whether we necessarily agree with their perspective, their feelings are valid. And your sincere empathy will go a long way to repairing your R with your W.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
how do i show my sincere empathy? (dumb man here sorry)
Today i woke up before my W.. fed the cats.. surfed the web a little.. W and dogs got up.. i took a shower, went downstairs and was as pleasant as i could be. We chatted a little.. as if nothing had happened. W went outside to brush one of our dogs and one of the cats.. a couple people we know that are building a house nearby stopped by, just a quick hello.. etc..
W was outside in her pyjamas.. her underwear sticking up.. i went and pulled her pants back up.. she laughed.. did it one more time, another laugh.
back in the house.. i tried again, and was going to pull her pants up as much as i could.. funny.. she said don't you going to pull my pants all the way up..i know you too well.. laughing
If she says something about how she's given up because she tried, agree. (And this goes for other topics of conversation as well - it's about validating and being an active listener on all fronts) Find whatever little piece of it, whether 20% of her comment, that you can find it in your heart to agree with, and wholeheartedly do so. Be safe to talk to and confide in.
E.g. If she says, "I tried, but it's too late now and I'm done" say "I understand why you feel that way". No matter how much you want to argue that it's NOT too late, that it can be fixed, empathize with her emotions. Validate her feelings, logical or not (and emotions usually aren't lol).
It seems like you are making an effort to listen and not comment, so this might be taking it one step further from what I understand of your stitch.
It's good that you can joke around with her a little. That is definitely a positive!
One warning from a woman's perspective, be careful on the timing. As is always true, half of humor is the timing. And if she feels for some reason you are not taking her or the situation seriously, she might be annoyed/angry rather than amused.
Okay, back to work for me! Lol.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
red, I'm sure this is hurting you. I don't know that you need to be SO upbeat all the time. I know in MY sitch, it would bother my h if I acted like everything was fine. He'd get the idea that I just don't care.
But, my h is quite a unique one...
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
