Looking for support from other WAS's

[lost3031]

Thanks for responding, Christa! You're right - I have already gained such incredible insight from a number of people on all sides of the fence that it's a little overwhelming and extremely helpful at the same time.

I can't wait for the moment when I am as convinced about what I want to do as you are! I guess the big difference between our two situations is that there is now OM involved in the picture. I know that I have to make up my mind (is it going to be H, OM, or just me?) and until then, neither H nor I are putting forth 100% effort into reconciliation. The good news is that we are still communicating very well (better than during M, even), still know that we love each other, and that for now we both see that there is a chance...

It's good to know that I am not alone in what I am feeling. When you're in this situation, you can't help but wonder if there is something wrong with you, why you can't just be happy with what is by other people's standards a pretty good marriage, and what is so stinking hard about making a decision. About the patience - I'm really trying to have that and I'm really trying to get H to have that too, but it's hard when there is so much at stake. And then again, that is the thought that I cling to when I start getting impatient - that there is so much at stake and I don't want to rush into anything and do the wrong thing in the process.

Like you, I went straight from living with my parents to basically being married. This is the first time in my adult life I've been on my own, and strangely it feels good to me. Also like you, I have had to learn to do things on my own that I didn't know I could do. It's also been refreshing to get out there and make new friends on my own instead of clinging to H's shirttails and taking his friends secondhand.

I hope for your sake that things continue to move forward with you and your H. Just bear in mind that essentially he is going through emotionally what you were going through after you walked away... scary thought, isn't it, because you and I both know how messed up that can make a person! Best of luck to you!