WAW#8

[LostPhil]

Well somewhat uneventful so that is good. She got off work and came in. Asks what children are going with her. D says she is, but S says he staying. We are watching Pirates at worlds end. She tries to grab him to carry him out and he tells her that he is staying. She wants to be able to sleep in tomorrow.

I just let this all play out. Then she gets a little frustrated and says ok good bye guys and starts to walk out. She tells me good bye. I get up and walk her out. I kiss D. Nothing from her. She goes to the car and says goodbye again. I decide to stand there until she leaves. Then I wave as she pulls aways and she beeps the horn.

Nothing to work with...thats better then drama.

Here is the thing. I think she is dbing and I'm not. She can go dark on me. Only contact me about the kids. Ignore me and act as if. She has detached.

[Astimegoeson]

Here is the thing. I think she is dbing and I'm not. She can go dark on me. Only contact me about the kids. Ignore me and act as if. She has detached.

She's not dbing Phil, she "detached" a long time ago. Let's just say she's a natural at it like all the rest of the WAS on here.

You do realize this is not something she has to "try" and do or learn to do from a book, don't you? She's not doing it to get a reaction from you.

[Jeremyt]

Phil, I was thinking the same thing about my wife too!

They aren't DB'ing just seems like it. The difference is we DB because we went to bring things back together. They are acting in some similar ways with some other feelings at work. It's so easy for them to act detached becuase they are and have been fighting it until the floodgates open up.

I was thinking how I wish sometimes I could DB as well as my wife can act like she does. Obviously when you are angry it's easier to ride the wave rather than what LBH's try do and that's have a PMA, GAL and use whatever techniques work for our sitch.

I sure have trouble detaching without being super angry about it. The PMA works until I go down that road.

[LostPhil]

Well these morning just seem so hard for me. I called her and woke her up to let her know I was bringing son to her. I said Good Morning I'm on my way. She said ok and hung up.

When I got to her house she was waiting at the door, with it half way open. She was wearing that cotton night shirt. I love that thing. I got to the door and I was smiling but she seemed to be looking away. I said do you want me to carry him to the couch and she said yes. She waited by the door. I came back down stairs and she kept the door open. No interaction or eye contact from her, she just said good bye. I said good bye and talk to you later.

As I was half way down the sidewalk, I could feel myself welling up. She still had the door open but I wasn't looking back. As I approached my car she finally closed the door.

God, please answer me. Bring my family home. Reconcile my marriage. Show me the way to freedom.

I feel like she is giving me nothing to work with. At least there wasn't any drama.

[LostPhil]

astimegoeson...

I guess I'm still having problems figuring out how in the hell she can just throw me completely out of her life. It seems like she even does it with the kids.

All she cares about is that job and people at that job. She let the kids stay down her mothers on Sunday, she went to work. Afterwork she is hanging out with a high school girl from work. The kids slept over because she thought she had to work the day shift. Then she doesn't even bother with the kids until 3:30. Drops them off to me at 5:30.

Then she comes to the house and wants me to kiss her. Then hours later she is unresponsive again. Its so damn confusing and frustrating.

I just want the damn nightmare to end.

What could I have done better this morning when I dropped off my son. Tried to hold her? She doesn't want that, but she acts like she does. She was keeping the door open.

I'm overthinking. She was just tired.

[Jeremyt]

No, you did the right thing this morning. Don't try hold her. If she kisses you, then let her but don't initiate right now. That is very confusing! I could see why you are upset. Makes detaching harder...

I guess I'd kill for a little smooch from my W right now, at the same time if she went back to cold after it would just make it hurt all the more.

My W occasionally makes some choices with the kids that I don't agree with as well like prioritizing friends first etc. If the kids aren't actually being hurt you just have to let it go. They'll miss their mom and that's all there is to it. She has to be the one to see it herself and you know saying something will just set her off.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Phil,

You're looking for instant gratification for good behaviour, and it doesn't normally happen that way. You did do everything correct, unfortunately you are going to have to do all the correct things for a very long time for the chance to see a positive sign from her.

[brandnewday]

Do you remember when you first starting dating your wife?

Remember you always put your best foot forward, and made a huge effort to listen and to be patient....

Well Phil, we are going back to the begining.

This can be a whole new relationship with your Wife, a better one, but you have to start all over.

Pretend you are just getting to know her.

Act as if ......

You are doing such a great job, and each day it will get a little easier.

Be patient.

God didn't bring you this far just to abandon you, trust me on this one.

(((((hugs))))

[LostPhil]

Thanks Jeremy one of the things I do now is over analyze everything. What if I did this? What if I did that? What if I sat down after the last time I made love to wife before bomb and just looked at her and said. I really really love you, and wish I could stay at home with you all day.

Well maybe the other reason for being cold this morning despite being tired is she texted me at about twenty after 12 last night.

She says good night boys. Then she sent another text. How is son.

I didn't bother to text back...

The thing is I'm stewing in my thoughts. It isn't helping and it is not healthy. It would be nice to just go cold, numb, and not care.

Be still...

[Jack_Three_Beans]

but she acts like she does. She was keeping the door open.

No interaction or eye contact from her, she just said good bye.

She was not acting like she wanted a hug or to be held.

I'm overthinking.

Yes you are, everyone here does.
Occam's razor applies, and will keep you sane.