Trying ... well if you can call it that, I guess.

[Abbey]

The sparks scared me though Michelle. It was nice and awful all at the same time.

I questioned myself - was this wishful thinking?... or was this that firework thingy that people feel for one another. Everything in me, everything I ever knew about him and I when we were at our very happiest,... and *before* he and I got together as a couple... this was *that*. It was brief,... and I looked away first, cuz it was like a "zap", when I looked back up he was still looking at me. His pupils still don't react like they used to but we were in a bright resto so, I dunno. Considering what he thinks I did... sleeping with someone, and that I sort of "rubbed" his nose in it by being this person's friend for the last 3 years etc. The hurt/caution factor still applies. If he were only to have realized that this friendship was above board and not as he believes. *sigh*

I'm still not convinced that his feelings will be enough to turn him around. If he's hurt/stubborn/emotionally fearful, I dunno. I just don't know, the "do something" part of me wants to push. I know I can't, but I can't help but feel that after this summer is over, I need to put the "be his best friend into action". SCREW the parasite g/f if she's gone or not... I need to put that part of the plan into action.

Part one of part one though (smile) is to get my own poop together, get over being so emotionally exhausted.... and work on it not knocking the life of me when I see him. Getting stronger myself is a process that needs to be incremental unfortunately. Hope comes at least from my long time friend saying she's seeing the "old me". Even one of my more recent friends has said she's seeing the old me from our old cover-band days. I'm making major effort to insulating myself from the soap opera of the neighborhood. It seems to be working.

Oh lordie, at least I slept in this morning that was kinda nice.
Abbey