Hi Donna, I'm not that familiar with your sitch but I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents anyway! The thoughts you express about dating and the fear of being alone etc are ones I think most of us go through. In my case, it has been 17 years in the same R and the thought of anyone else never entered my mind. Besides, even before my W dating was not one of my strong points! So, what I am doing, after being separated for almost 9 months is just getting out there and circulating. That doesn't mean hitting the singles bars etc but getting involved in activities where I meet people and interact. I push the envelope a little bit by starting conversations with women, just to converse. I am learning to flirt a bit and not feel emabarrssed by doing so. It becomes enjoyable and began to look forward to those opportunities rather than ignoring them. In fact, just yesterday my kids and I were on the elevator and my D was holding a cake we had just bought. A lady on the elevator started commenting on how good the cake looked, and I started bantering with her about how much I'd sell it to her for and she complained about my pricing. When we got off she smiled and said "I hope you enjoy your cake" and I replied coyly "thank you, I'll be saving a piece just for you" I would never have acted this way in the past but now it is far more natural and, to be honest, women like it! It's because I am noticing them. These are small things but they're little building blocks that can soon become towers! I also became involved in a local church and am becoming more and more known there among people. It's all about building your confidence and comfort level and then it will come. OT is right, your energy will attract others. Now, I'm not dating right now and don't think I'm really ready yet but I'm taking steps that will get me there. It's a process and it takes time. There's also a book you may be interested in, it has a Christian focus, by Dr Henry Cloud entitled "How to get a date worth keeping" and he talks about things like casual dating. He thinks it's a great thing to do, his example is that when you go to a restaurant you're not there to buy the business you're there to enjoy the food so why not take the same attitude towards dating, enjoy the evening and don't look to buy the whole package right away! Good luck.
