I have stated that I want no contact But, that is pretty hard for H since he has to have minimal contact at work with her. He has worked there for 30 years and there isn't much out there for work so I can't ask him to quit.
I do believe her. She had no reason to tell me some of the things she said. she even told me that he lied about not getting her a gift or remembering it was her b-day as she recieved a lottery ticket from her. Also other person would confirm for me truth or lie. She has stated that she won't except anything from him and that she will go out of her way even more to honor my no contact. He knows that she wants nothing to do with him even as a friend now.
I do not think he would do a contract for anything as he would really have to admit to the fact that he still holds feelings.
He is trying to be there with me but you can feel the emotional distance still and know that he is not totally with me.
JAK
Last edited by jak58; 06/30/0805:42 PM.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I am getting to the point that he won't recieve anything from me if he continued this way. I feel that I have been patient waiting for him to get over her and he has thanked me for that but he also has to work at getting over this fantasy.
I still loved the way you handled your no contact sitch I printed it out and I do read it.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
No they did not have an R although H would have liked to. Was even thinking about leaving.
She has told me that she will go out of her way weven more not to talk to H and let me know anything that may happen. I do beleive her and there are a few good reasons why.
I don't think the idea would work only because he works there with her and has to have minimal contact and he can't quit the job. He needs to somehow get her out of his system. Maybe her going out of her way to stay away from him might make a difference.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
It does really sound like this is one sided on your H's part. It reminds me in a way of that Chevy Chase "Vacation" movie where he keeps seeing Christi Brinkly and has these images of her which are not reality. I know its wierd but that is what popped into my head.
Hopefully OW is telling the truth. It does sound like it. When I confronted OW she went out of her way to tell me how great of friends they were and what a fabulous guy he was. It sounded so fake. OW in your case doesn't want anything to do with him.
I don't know what to say, but I am thinking of you.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
No she doesn't so2 She even confided in a mutual friend of ours and hers about it and asked me if it was ok that she tell him that I knew that he knew and I said yes. I was carefull in the questions I asked so I would know if she was Lying. My gut says no she is not lying and I have learned to go with my gut instincts they are usually right in this sitch I find myself in.
I know what you mean by the Chevy Chase movie that is funny.
How are you?
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I am getting to the point that he won't recieve anything from me if he continued this way. I feel that I have been patient waiting for him to get over her and he has thanked me for that but he also has to work at getting over this fantasy.
I still loved the way you handled your no contact sitch I printed it out and I do read it.
JAK
Jak,
Since I'm not totally familiar with my sitch, and since you have read mine, perhaps I can answer some specific questions of yours about how I handled something?
I made a ton of mistakes along the way, and if I could help someone else "skip ahead" to the parts that WORKED, that would be great.
Puppy, Was you W ready to be over OM and really work on your M when you did the no contact agrrement?
How long did she pine over OM and did she go through a depression. I am trying to remember your whole sitch as it was a while ago that I read it. Someone had a link to it.
That is what Im'e thinking is that H is in A depressed state again trying to release her. I don't want to push the no contact until I know he is done with her totally. Am I wrong to think this way? Should I be giving an ultimatum at this point. Should I wait longer and Just be the best I can be keep being the cheerleader and see if he cut's off his feelings for her. Don't know to many on here that have gone through it themselves for insite.
There have been a lot of babysteps since this first started the most recent being the letter he wrote me even though he told me he still feels for OW. It is comunication and that is something which he is so bad at. He wants everything to go away and pretend like it never happened just like most of his family. Ya know I could do that if OW wasn't still in his head. I could take what I have learned here and help make a very good M. Even better than before, and it was good until his MLC started.
We are going camping, Just ther two of us for three days. Tring to think of ways I can try to connect other than talking and sex. It shouldn't be so hard but him being so quiet and not talking much makes it hard to even carry on a conversation.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
There's a lot of 'em; if you're looking for a date range, it was at this very time last year that my wife was in the throes of her affair.
To answer your question, yes, my wife was at least CLAIMING to be ready to work at our marriage when I first asked her for full no-contact and transparency. I don't think she really WAS ready, tho, and she refused to end her affair for two months when I finally re-confronted her even more forcefully. Ultimately, I had to file for divorce.
At the 3-month mark was when she came back to me, in tears and full of remorse, and begged me to take her back. It was then that I again insisted upon, and she agreed to, full no-contact and transparency.
You ask:
Quote:
That is what Im'e thinking is that H is in A depressed state again trying to release her. I don't want to push the no contact until I know he is done with her totally. Am I wrong to think this way?
I'm afraid you have this backwards. Until your husband stops having ANY contact with her (even casual business contact and, actually, even NEGATIVE contact -- like a fight -- resets the clock), he will not get over his addiction. Every re-contact starts the "clock" over again at 0:00.
My wife was in what I would call "hard withdrawal" for 2-3 weeks, which is pretty typical. They say it takes about six months for TOTAL withdrawal; I think my wife took even a little longer than that -- maybe nine.
Other than one slip-up last September, she has had no contact with him.
Are you trying to tell we as long as he works with her he will have feelings. Don't they ever just get sick of the rejection and come out of their fog? DO you feel that I will have to be ready to leave and then maybe he would think about what he has.
They have to have limited contact and I actually asked her if thay ever have what they call a shape up(that is when they can choose to go on another shift) if she would think about making sure H is not on the same shift and she said yes she would think about it but,I can't make her and if the shift that H would be on benefited her time wise then i couldn't blame her.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
It shouldn't be so hard but him being so quiet and not talking much makes it hard to even carry on a conversation.