Trouble on the lake erie shore #3

[Neilh23]

bounce

[TwinDad]

Neil,

I think what Forest was saying is that you were an Advanced DAM which is a step above a DAM. Neither is great, but typical....lol. I guess if you have to be one better to be the advanced model.

Hope things are looking good for your sitch. You have the kids this weekend right? Any big plans?

[Neilh23]

Yes i do. saturday we're going to the Zoo with my brothers and niece, and then sunday we're going to my best friends house so his sons and my daughters can play...all roughly the same age...so it'll be fun.

i still don't understand.......oh well. sometimes it's better to not understand.

things are slooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow in my sitch. Had session no. 2 with Dotty last nite. She says i'm doing great.... just gotta continue with the reflective listening and the PMA.

[TwinDad]

Neil,

You are doing good. GAL with the kids will help out a lot as well. Your W will hear what she is missing out on. Watching kids play together is truly rejuvenating.

Make sure to take plenty of pictures. Don't get discouraged by the pace of things.....that is your W's job. Your job is to show changes, GAL, and PMA.

The kids have been staying with you during the day right? How have the hand-offs been going?

[Neilh23]

Their not staying during the day yet. Next week that starts. However, they will basically be with me for 5 straight days starting on Thursday. Only one nite not with me, so I'm looking forward to it. THis should be interesting....
GAL and PMA...i know.

[Forrest Gump]

Neil..


There is nothing wrong with being a DAM. Its just a good description of something you can't describe.. Why did you do that.. because I am a DAM. DAM kinda imposes a womans thoughts onto the things we do. Kinda like men see women as Queen B.

In all likelyhood.. you will never stop being a DAM.. simply because you are wired different than a woman. Making mistakes.. is a good thing.. if you learn from them. Now the levels of DAM are.. King (Thats me), Advanced, and then just plain old DAM. It's the idea you can't change what you are.. just who you are.


"my W always points out when I slip up around her and revert back to the old things...and occasionally acknowledges the changes...LOL....kinda funny actually."

So you have a gauge with which to work by. Use it.. everything she says will not be the gospel.

"i still don't understand.......oh well. sometimes it's better to not understand."

I am a year into all this stuff.. and I still don't understand all of it. Honestly.. figure out the key points and focus on that. Don't worrry so much about the nit picky stuff.

[TwinDad]

Neil,

I don't mean to pry, but it seems like you are on the short end of the stick when it comes to having your children. Could just be my perception. Do you feel you are getting a 50/50 split. I am assuming you want this. Also I have read where bouncing the children around can be diffciult on them. That is one reason why we went with the alternating weeks with visits (i..e my W would come over to my house during the week to visit when it was my week) or planned joint activities during the week.

The way I view it, your home should be just as much a home for them as your W's. I know in my sitch it seemed like my W viewed it as her home was home and my place was da-da's home. That is one reason why I spent a good bit of effort in making my house pretty much all about the kids. It was interesting when we were all in the van (W included) and my daughter out fo the blue just says "no...I don't like mama's home, I want dadas home". I of course corrected her and told her it wasn't nice and that she had two homes.....but that didn't keep my W from puttingher sunglasses on.

It just seems to me that your W is arranging the custody such that it suits her tolerance to absense from them and perhaps doesn't give you the same courtesy. Maybe see how things go with this weekend.

[Neilh23]

at the moment yes. however, my in-laws are out visiting, so i am not forcing the issue. They live 4 hours away, and don't get to see the kids very much, so i understand and am ok with that. still tough tho.

forrest...thanks. makes more sense now.

[pisces9]

hang in there with the patience
that is great that you are talking with a DB caoch! that has helped me too- reflective listening and PMA..thats pretty much the answser....
i also think that working on this type of listening with anyone has helped me learn how to do it. i try it out with friends and family so i can becomne better and better at it.
seomtimes i give unsolicited advice and i realize thats not what the person needed
its all learning!

[Neilh23]

Twindad...my apartment is all about them..their room is decorated with numerous things (some of which my W copied and put in their room at her place).......my W was the same way...about wanting her place to be "home" and my place to be daddy's. LOL. I refer to her place as "mommy's" and mine as "daddy's"..neither one really home.

and forrest...i am a DAM....sometimes an ADAM too. LOL

I keep hearing interesting rumors about my W.....this last one revolved around someone thinking about setting me up with someone, and said something ot her....she flipped a lid...and said why are people trying to "whore" my husband out.... LOL.
Interesting, but not reading too much into it...