I understand controlling, my H was very controlling. Are you ? If you are or were, tell her the ways that you see you were controlling. Tell her you don't want to be like that anymore.
I said that he treated me like a child, now thru MC I realize I also felt like a child. Do you treat her like a child ? or like an equal partner ? Compare her to a 50/50 business partner, how are you doing ?
Did you critize her ? or treat her like a fragile delicate flower that should be carefully watered with love & kindness ?
You can ask her things like "if you were going to give me another chance, what would you want me to change?" or "what would you want in a relationship, that you didn't get in ours?" she may not know. I was so emotionally starving, I didn't even know what was missing or how to verbalize it. A few of the things I asked H to do at first were, e-mails to me, saying what he liked about me, e-cards, telling me his feelings. I asked him to order a DVD that taught him how to give a sensual massage so that he would learn how to touch me & not be so rough. Those are a few ideas for now. Do you know her love language ?
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
