Where is the real me? What do I want?

[Purple]

Hi Everybody!

Thanks for your support.

I am currently in the process of replying to an email to h and I'm trying to get that done first and be honest yet not accusing of him before I hook back into writing more on here. I'm trying not to have DB words cloud my own words. I'm really struggling for the right things to say to him that will allow us to continue to communicate by email. It feels a safe way to communicate for now but perhaps not a smart way. However, face to face just is too emotionally charged for both of us right now, I think.

h picks up d from school today and I'll go and collect her from his work at 6pm. I would love it if he could be warm and friendly (and act 'as if') to me without us having skipped 50 million steps (and missed a whole lot of healing) and slipped back into a intimate relationship again. I feel like I'm being false and pushing my fears down as being less important that keeping things on an even keel with him. ugh...not sure if that makes sense. Never mind, if I write enough, something will pop out - surely!? I wish that he would accept that I need to develop my own boundaries and not retreat in hurt when i try to set them, (as clumsily as I do).