Congratulations on H's win and his new job! Too bad about the crash, but he's okay and cars can be fixed. It gives H a project to work on...I think that's a very, very good thing.
So, I just want to caution you on something...you know my H works with LW (I think). I thought for a long time that if he left his job, then I'd feel safe again. Better about her. H is now working from home and has very limited contact with her (he's half time where he was and is freelancing other projects with other companies). Still...I worried. Still do a little. Still hate her over-frizzed hair. And she's still just so aw-shucks sweet that she sent him a framed photograph of a career luncheon she was in charge of and he participated in w/a bunch of middle school kids. *She* isn't in the picture, but hell,she could have just put the pic in his box at work.
Don't mean to hijack, but even though I know H is done with her and she never had a thing for him, you can tell it still bugs me. And there's no one who can deal with those feelings and that situation except for me, you know?
The OW can still contact him, your H can still contact her if he wants to. My best advice is to work on letting go of all of that...for you. Because there are no guarantees as we've both found out.
Sheesh...I sound like Debbie Downer, LOL! I just want you to be prepared emotionally, because I definitely was surprised by my reaction on Saturday when the envelope with the picture showed up in my mail.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Thanks all!! Yes, I am still so grateful and relieved that my H is OK. I send out a "race report" to friends and family after each race. I sent out "part 1" about the win yesterday, part 2 about the wreck today. It was weird how anxious I got re-living it. I had to remind myself "he's OK!"
SD Thank you, I totally appreciate your input as always! OMG LW's hair is over-frizzed too?? I had forgotten that. I had thought about the ability to still contact each other, definitely. In fact part of me fears the non-work contact could possibly come back again now that there's no "excuse" for contact at work.
I just keep telling myself that it's got to be so much better working on the opposite end of town, and having no reason to talk with her constantly all day long. That at least, if he is in fact trying to cut that R off, he's not going to constantly have that factor to suck him back in. Ya know? He hasn't in fact said he's "done" with her but his actions seem to indicate that, and I think (hope) that not working there will help push things even more in that direction. I haven't been in the sitution but if I had an A with someone, I think it would be a LOT harder to move on if I still saw them every single day.
It's a good point that a much larger part of that is me working on letting go of it all, though. And I know you're in a much more "secure" position than I am at this point, so it's interesting that it STILL affects you as much as it does. It's good to know that and be prepared.
And... I am so sorry about the picture!! Maybe it's wrong but it would bug me, too - quite a bit I think. Gotta work on that eh?
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Ack!! You didn't??? I'm sorry - no, didn't take you off the list (at least, not intentionally - I'm blaming a copy/paste mishap ). It's on the way!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
OK I promise not to turn my posts into all "H talk" or all "car talk" for that matter. But just a few things..
- He gave his notice. He really did it!! He's freaked out, understandably... I hope it works out well. Everyone there is begging him to stay because they like working with him. What sucks is the same day he gave notice he was FINALLY busy and actually made some hours.. unlikely to last, though. Our mutual friend came by tonight and I told her - she was THRILLED. She was around for the whole "we can all be friends" phase with OW and hated that woman with a passion (OW attempting to pick up her H while putting her down right in front of him might have had something to do with it, on top of the rest). She was funny, said "You didn't coerce him right?" and I said "He!! no, I wanted it to be very clearly, 100% his choice." She grinned and said "Good job. And I am so glad he'll be away from that .... <she trailed off but the look on her face said it all>." I am constantly amazed at her ability to be a great listener for us both, good advice giver, but totally impartial. She's a major race fanatic so she and H (and her H) mostly just talk racecars, while she talks to me about the emotional stuff... but still, I would think that's tough.
- The racecar runs! Yesterday it wouldn't start. H found and fixed the short and fired it up, and it sounds perfect. Not even a shake in the motor. This is GREAT news because the rest is relatively easily fixed. It would be even better if the motor was pointing in the right direction but hey... I'm happy.
- H is still OK. I kept worrying he'd start getting back or neck pain a day or two later, but his very minor neck pain from yesterday is totally gone today. YAY!!!
I'm sure I have good "other" news too but I'm so darn happy about the H related news, just had to share that first.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
(1) Look on Craigslist for an air conditioner he could take to work — thoughtful in terms of his sensitivity to temperature and cash flow.
(2) Get him something fun for his new workspace. A calendar, a new tool, a CD player, a Zen garden, a sexy pic of you, whatever. Actually, you could take a sexy pic of you and get it made into a wall calendar and/or mug at cafepress...
(3) Ask him if you can help him clean it up and arrange his new workspace before he starts.
(4) How do you feel that he is in demand and changing to this new/better job? Does his competence excite you? Are you proud? Praise him, authentically.
(5) Tell him a fantasy that involves his new work space and ask him how soon he might be able to "work late."
(6) Buy him a lunch box with a set of menus that he can choose. Make him lunch when he starts. Put dirty notes in his lunchbox once in awhile.
Oh my gosh OT - those are such great ideas, thank you!!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
