When you are ready and really open to others, men will approach you. Your energy will change. It will happen.
No one had hit on me in 17 years of M. When I was ready, despite 100 extra pounds, men came out of the woodwork. I was attractive because of my happiness, energy, and openness to new Rs. When I reentered a committed R, the men disappeared again. I'm still happen, I just emit not-available-at-all energy, lol.
Now, before you reach the point of men approaching you because of your energy, you can surely line up dates with needy losers. It won't do them or you any good. The big risk is that you'll find a raw co-dependent to bond with and spiral down a sick, ill-fated R pretty darn quickly.
In any case, when you are ready to date, it won't be such high drama. And remember, almost anyone you date you won't want to see again, and almost every R you have will not last. That is why dating is required in the first place. It isn't failure, it is experimenting to find a good life.
Oh, and back off explaining X's motives to leaving the M to your kids. Explain your feelings, don't tell the kids X's thoughts/motives. It isn't your place and you are most likely wrong. It is as problematic as X telling S what you think (or at least what he thinks you think.) In any case, these are adult problems. Consider what you would want to have told your kids if two years down the road you and X reconciled. What you tell them now should be the same regardless of whether reconciliation ever happens.
BTW, this is very telling: " I hope that you are right, in that "he" will show up when I least expect it. It was a very long time ago, but that was when x showed up--I had given up hope that I would ever find someone to love me (and I was only 16). I don't want to think that I'll be alone forever."
It is pretty ridiculous for a 16 year old to think she'll be alone forever. Similarly now. You've been divorced for less than a month and are nowhere near being in a place where you can be emotionally available without being needy. To be worrying about being alone forever is no more realistic now than when you were 16. And the same thing is driving it in both cases. This neediness and fear of not being loved has everything to do with your family of origin and nothing to do with the availability of men in the world.
You'll get to where there is a place in your life for a great R, and then there will be one.
And, at least wait until you are no longer attracted to X-clones. There was a lot more you wanted from your M. Remember your dreams, and find someone who you won't have to forget them for.
