I just skimmed through your sitch. If I were in your shoes I would make this decision based on what you feel is best for your children. If you believe they will be happiest back in their hometown, then that's the choice I would make regardless of whether W said she wanted to come along or not. I don't know if I'd even bring up OM to her. You can just say you need to do what is best for your children. You can add that you personally would prefer the hometown as well. You can add that you have better memories back home and would prefer being there... and then leave it at that ... I'd do that rather than rub the whole OM thing in her face. She knows exactly why no one is crazy about living there and why they want to be back home. Better memories, old friends, no chance of OM going there, etc...
And then like you've said, telling her you wish she'd come along. Everyone will miss her, etc... would be good. But don't work too hard to convince her. If she is going to move with you guys let it be her decision. Otherwise, at some later date she could come back unhappy and blame you for talking her into moving, "Well you talked me into it, made me feel guilty, yada yada...."
My personal feeling is the move to be with you and the kids should be her choice entirely. No pressure...
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
