Real life is----part 5

[MichelleLT]

(((Sara)))

Breathe. Take it one hour at a time. It'll be okay.

Your plan sounds good.

Don't let him frustrate/annoy you.

He is playing off your desperation.

Do what you need to do for yourself, but don't completely short-change yourself either.

[kat727]

I wouldn't give him dime one for the house. Did your L explain that you were already more than generous? My heart goes out to you.

kat

[SDFoundGirl]

Yes, he's being a cake eater, but the problem with eating too much cake is that it has the nasty habit of making you pretty sick with overindulgence.

Your H *will* regret this someday. I'm sitting here on the sidelines thinking about how much this OW is using him--he is now going to have to be her meal ticket. She's living w/her mom for a reason, and your H doesn't make much $ to hear you speak of it. What you're giving him as a settlement won't last that long. She will suck him dry and then leave him. OR he'll get tired of having to be the "responsible" one.

I'm sorry you're going through this, really I am. However, I am really happy that you are taking care of yourself and doing what YOU need to do for your own peace of mind.

I recommend video taping all of the stuff that's valuable in your house before H starts packing. Do you guys have a list of who gets what?

I'm so happy your family is so supportive, and I'm extra happy that you still get a vacation. You WILL survive.

SD

[Sugar and Spice]

New plan...I am to go into the lawyer's office tomorrow at 8:30am and sign something. H will be at the lawyer's office at 4:30 to sign all his divorce papers and things. I go on the vacation for 2 weeks as planned and by July 16, H is out of the house forever. I am nervous about this plan and still am not sure if I should leave or not.

I am very blessed to have parents that support me financially and emotionally.

Yes, my H has turned out to be the worst person I have ever met. Although 7 years ago, you couldn't have told me that. I am still shocked at how much one person can change in such a short amount of time.

Sara please don't take this the wrong way but if you give someone money and then never see them again, often times it will be the best money ever spent. If all it takes to get rid of this drama is a couple (ok, several) thousand dollars, then in a very short time the return on your investment is evident. The source of your misery is gone and you can live your life for you. I say this because I loaned my mother $2,000.00 4 years ago on the promise that she would give it back in 90 days and have not heard from her since. In the grand scheme of things, it was the best $2,000.00 that I have ever spent. Sad to say, but it was worth it. It took a while for me to see it, but it has been.

Sorry for the hi-jack.

[klm]

Wow Sara, I am sorry he is being so difficult. I think you may feel a sense of relief once this is over. The drama can be stressful.

I am glad you still get to go on your trip.

It is great that you have a supportive family, it really does make all this a little easier.

[Frank V]

ok...i just hit this thread, i was on an earlier one for you SS, but I haven't caught up so bear with me.

If your husband is racking up your phone bill why don't you just cancel your phone service?

if he is eating your food why don't you just not buy any and eat elsewhere?

1. If he says anything legal to you just tell him he's not a lawyer and you never asked for his advice.

2. As far as defacing character - HE did that when he decided to have an affair. You are just telling the truth....if he accuses you again say the following :

"You defaced your character when you had an affair, my telling the truth isn't going to change who you are, you decide that. If you are ashamed of what you have done and don't want people to know, you should'nt have done it in the first place.

If you want me to cover up your little childish fantasy and add LIAR to your reputation you have made a mess of I can tell them you don't want people to know too...I am sure everyone would love to know how proud you are of your behavior."

The fact that he wants to cover it up clearly demonstrates shame. Unfortunatley affairs are addictions and shameless behavior comes with the territory...it isn't enough to stop them.

I really would do everything you can to cut him off. You and your lawyer are likley doing that now.

He really depends on your support, so I would be taking that away as much as you legally can if he isn't cooperating. I did the same thing.

If you are going out of town, have someone stay at your home and keep an eye on it for you.

I would be having someone stay there with me anyways, and have THEM buy food and he can't legally touch that.

Also, get a cell phone and lose the house phone.

If you can get a family member or friend to move in and us THEIR belongings and let them buy things, he can't touch them as far as I understand the law.

I would also be buying or renting a new place and selling the one you have asap.

I also would'nt be doing any meetings with him in person and I would have someone with me if I did and let the other person do the talking, your lawyer should be encouraging you to avoid interacting with him in his state.

[cat03]

Star)))))))))) argh!!!! words fail me, I mean, GRRR! what a total idiot, hon, you are not loosing much by D'ing him.
I totally agree with paying him off, I also was in that position, that if we were to go to court he'd get much less than what I'd given him but in the long run with L's fees and such I'd end up in debt. And yes, it is money well spent to get rid of him.

As far as what he is going to do with that money? you could care less hon, I agree with the other posts, the $ will be gone in a blink of an eye and the honeymoon will be over with ms. bimbo, he is so going to regret this in the near future.

Thank heavens for your parents)))))) I pray all goes well with the signing, babe, you will do great, go unwind at Disney and let that fool hang.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

ok...i just hit this thread, i was on an earlier one for you SS, but I haven't caught up so bear with me.

If your husband is racking up your phone bill why don't you just cancel your phone service?

if he is eating your food why don't you just not buy any and eat elsewhere?

1. If he says anything legal to you just tell him he's not a lawyer and you never asked for his advice.

2. As far as defacing character - HE did that when he decided to have an affair. You are just telling the truth....if he accuses you again say the following :

"You defaced your character when you had an affair, my telling the truth isn't going to change who you are, you decide that. If you are ashamed of what you have done and don't want people to know, you should'nt have done it in the first place.

If you want me to cover up your little childish fantasy and add LIAR to your reputation you have made a mess of I can tell them you don't want people to know too...I am sure everyone would love to know how proud you are of your behavior."

The fact that he wants to cover it up clearly demonstrates shame. Unfortunatley affairs are addictions and shameless behavior comes with the territory...it isn't enough to stop them.

I really would do everything you can to cut him off. You and your lawyer are likley doing that now.

He really depends on your support, so I would be taking that away as much as you legally can if he isn't cooperating. I did the same thing.

If you are going out of town, have someone stay at your home and keep an eye on it for you.

I would be having someone stay there with me anyways, and have THEM buy food and he can't legally touch that.

Also, get a cell phone and lose the house phone.

If you can get a family member or friend to move in and us THEIR belongings and let them buy things, he can't touch them as far as I understand the law.

I would also be buying or renting a new place and selling the one you have asap.

I also would'nt be doing any meetings with him in person and I would have someone with me if I did and let the other person do the talking, your lawyer should be encouraging you to avoid interacting with him in his state.

Smart stuff, Mark -- I couldn't agree more.

Puppy

[Starshyne]

Mark...I think I am doing or have done everything you have suggested. Well except for turning off the phone, but I have work related reasons for that. All of my food is now stored in a freezer at my mom's house. I don't talk to him about legal stuff. I told him that he is the one that chose to have an affair and wouldn't end it and I was just telling people who ask me the truth. I have cut him off of everything that I legally can. I am thinking of turning off the washer and dryer because he thinks it is a laundry matt over here. I am no longer going out of town.

The only thing I disagree with you on is selling my house. I have no desire to move from here. I LOVE this house. I can afford it, I like the location, etc etc. I have given up so much in the past 8 months. All of my dreams have vanished basically and now I have to make new ones. But the one dream I am not letting go of is this house. He has 15 days from now to get out and if he doesn't then I am calling the police. In 15 days he can no longer legally be here.

I know that just giving him the money he wants to end this is the best thing in the long run. My lawyer doesn't like the idea at all and wants to fight it out in court. I know that the OW is spoon feeding him lies about how much money he should get from me. He doesn't understand anything. He doesn't know the words refinance or equity. Paying off the car and telling him that is like giving him $3000 mean nothing to him. He would rather have the $3,000 in cash. He doesn't understand (seriously) why we can't just erase my name from the title of the car and he take over the payment and I hand him over $7,000. He told my Dad that he is sacrificing so much with this deal. He also wanted to know how much my payments are to pay back my Dad for all of this and why I can't just get a loan for another $500 to give him. I really don't get the reason WHY he thinks I owe him money. Obviously that is coming from the OW. I personally don't think I should give him anything after how he has treated me. But I know that is my emotions playing a part in this business deal. Thanks for letting me ramble. I have so much just in my mind and I need to get it out.

I signed all of the papers this morning. Now in 2 1/2 hours he is supposed to sign the papers and get his check. I pray that he sticks with his word for once. I just can't keep living like this.

[MichelleLT]

(((Sara)))

I hope he signs. I will be sending all my good thoughts your way!