He didn't sign. He wants 4 times the amount I offered him. He wants more than his share of the house and car. I am crying a lot so I can't type much. My Dad is trying to neogeiate (sp?) with him but I don't think it will go anywhere. I am so hurt. The thing is when I talked to him on the phone, I could tell that the OW is giving him advice. I heard a dog barking in the background. I might not be going to Disney because of all of this. I am so upset....so upset....
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
I am so terribly sorry that he is putting you through this. He is being SO unreasonable!
Have a good cry, don't do a damned thing tonite, and then come back tomorrow and start planning anew. I think that he is simply negotiating with you, and treating this like a business deal.
WHICH IT IS.
I know that's hard to think of, but at this point, that's EXACTLY what it is, and the sooner you can get yourself emotionally and intellectually into that mode, the better off you will be.
You hold more card than you think you do. He has real weaknesses right now, and you can exploit them to your advantage.
Can I say how much I have gotten to HATE drama? I mean I really HATE it.
I guess the talking with my Dad worked because he has said (not legally binding or anything) that he will take the new offer. So now instead of paying his car off and giving him $1,500 for the house, I am paying his car off and giving him #3,500 for the house. He wanted $5,000 and the car payed off. The whole car thing is something that he just doesn't get. Because the money for the car wouldn't be in cash, he didn't want it. I have always paid off his car each month, so as far as he was concerned, the car was a nonissue. What he wanted was for me to give him $5,000 and not pay off the car ($3,000 left on it)and then he would make the payments each month. Ummmm....I want my name off that car!
The reason why he needs all of this money I found out is to get a $600 a month (which is outrageous for this area) apartment for OW and her 2 kids to live with him. So basically he wants me to pay for his new family's living expenses. And one of the questions he had was how soon after he signs the papers can he get married! OMG!!!!
So now instead of leaving on vacation on Wednesday, I am going to have to stick around here and make another appointment with the lawyer. All because the jerk wouldn't sign today. Uh! Actually my parents are so sweet. They are trying to figure out how they can go to Nashville for my Dad's singing thing and then come back to Illinois, work for a week and then go to Disney with me.
I just have this awful feeling of being overwhelmed. I hope he sticks to his word.
Sara
Last edited by Starshyne; 06/30/0810:54 PM.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
You know Puppy, I totally understand what you are saying. But I don't want to drag this out. Emotionally, physically I can't do it anymore. I am at the point where I am going to pay him off to get out of my life. I feel sleazy doing it, but I just don't wnat to go on like this. I mean I am living in 2 homes and my in my car....I just can't do it any longer. Been doing it for alomst 2 months now. If he had his own place already, I would have more energy to fight. I am not going to fight. I am going to pay him for having an affair and for getting out of my life.
By the way...I THINK the Chicago t-shirt he was wearing at the laywer's today was one I purchased for myself when the two of us took a vacation to Chicago a few summers ago. It was just a souvenier T-shirt that could go for a man or a woman. Just perfect....he comes to the lawyer wearing my shirt.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Do what you have to Sara and get this chapter in your life closed. Then you can begin a new chapter in your life, that's full of love and joy. You cannot move forward until you get H out of your life.
I know you are hurting and I'm sorry, from what I've read you are unquestionably a strong person. You will get through this, you will move on with your life, this nightmare will have a ending. Thank goodness for your parents. Keeping you in my prayers.
Jeff from St Louis
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
New plan...I am to go into the lawyer's office tomorrow at 8:30am and sign something. H will be at the lawyer's office at 4:30 to sign all his divorce papers and things. I go on the vacation for 2 weeks as planned and by July 16, H is out of the house forever. I am nervous about this plan and still am not sure if I should leave or not.
I am very blessed to have parents that support me financially and emotionally.
Yes, my H has turned out to be the worst person I have ever met. Although 7 years ago, you couldn't have told me that. I am still shocked at how much one person can change in such a short amount of time.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Hugs Sara! Would he be getting more if this dragged out? I know you want to get this over with but you also need to take care of you. Glad you havve your parents here to offer you support and love.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Honestly if this dragged out he would be getting less. The $10,000 down payment on the house was from an inheritence from my Grandparents and so my lawyer said that legally I don't owe him anything for the house. My H thinks I am lying to him about this, but it is the truth. If it went to court, he would be getting a LOT less. But we all know that he is a cake eater and once again he is getting his cake eating way. But I will finally be able to be alright again and my peace of mind is worth the extra money (which I figure that if I took it to court and everything it would cost me just about the same as what I am offering him).
Plans have changed yet again. The new plan is that my parents go to Nashville from Wednesday-Sunday for my Dad's singing thing. H is out of the house by the 16th. I get the locked changed etc. etc. and leave for Florida on the 20th. Everyone thinks it will be best if I am around while he is moving things out in case he tries to take things that legally are mine or whatever.
I am finally starting to calm down....
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
