wow, that has to be the nicest let down i ever got. you are very welcome for dessert. sorry we didnt click. im sure your love awaits you too. hope you find someone who appreciates you. i thought we had alot in common but to each his own. take care.
someone who likes a little adventure, say willing to sky dive or someone who will break law and endanger others, for instance, street race.
Do you want a "Man" who intrinsictly makes you feel "safe protected and cared for"
or ACOA issues, do you tend to find guys you need to "fix?"
I'm a nice guy, also an ACOA and I hate conflict. I picked a woman who wanted things done her way so it was easier to pease her than to fight her. Evntually it wasn't worth fighting so she got her way about most things. The safe way to coexist with her was to eventually withdraw because nobody ever wins an argument with her. Then she would complain about our lack of communication.
I am still a nice guy and am attracted to strong women BUT I will not court one unless she is willing to let me lead her. Leading her would take into account all of her strengths, attributes and gifts God has given her. I will seek to know her intimately, her hopes, wishes, dreams as well as her fears and it will be my goal to please her (by always doing the things that please my God).
Do I have an edge? A wild one? No. But I do see life as an adventure and have been living it accordingly.
We can take the tendencies that resulted from the path our life took and be proactive about how we allow those tenedncies to affect our choices.
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Hey donna, I am sorry it has taken me so long to catch up with you. Sometimes we simply spread ourselves too thin.
A blind date, who would have ever thought that you would be going on a blind date.
I am sorry it didnt go well, but usually they don't. I am a believer that romance has to have a spark to ignite it and a blind date does not allow for that. First time meetings are too awkward and way to much pressure.
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I miss the companionship, the partnership, the friendship, the contact....and don't really see where there is time to develop that, start all over again.
Donna, when the time is right, the right man will be there at the right time. That is how God works. No one ever thinks they will find it again. Real people aren't supposed to feel like they will find it again because they thought they already had and committed to that lifetime together. So what you are feeling is IMHO normal.
You have kids that you take care of, you have a life of your own to discover as you have been with only your X for so long, and you have all the time in the world for romance to come.
What you have done here and the way that you have grown over all this time, well, it sells. Men will see the strength that it took you to do what you have done. Men (that are worth a shitt) will have a great deal of respect and be attracted to your ability to work through adversity and fight for what you believe in.
Remember it is not a horse race, when it is time to trot you trot, when it is time to gallup you will know and you will let it go at that point.
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I don't have a lot of confidence that I would be approached first (x is the only person in my life who approached me romantically--there have been 3 or 4 others who showed interest, but only after I had indicated that I was interested first).
I disagree, you will be approached and just when you least expect it. Odds are you won't be approached until YOU are ready to handle it.
Edge: a natural born leader. Someone "not to be messed with." Both my dad and x are very tall, solid (dad was 6'4", 330 lbs; me, I am 5'1"). No, I don't want to have to "fix" anyone--I met one of those, and walked the other way. I think it is the "safe, protected and cared for." No one who is into illegal stuff. x was often compared to a lumberjack. Rugged.
A cowboy who would open up with me? The bad-ass to everyone else, who could be sensitive around me? The Boy Scout with some roughness at the edges. I like motorcycles, leather, longish hair and don't mind tatoos. Chiseled features. Don't care too much what they do for a living (although I think I might be bored to death by an accountant). I do value intelligence; doesn't have to be book smart. I hate smoking and drugs, and greatly dislike drinking.
Now, me, I am the picture of an elementary school teacher (the "cute" ones you had). The goody-goody. At least publicly.
Again, something that I will have to reflect on, long and hard. I don't want to overlook someone who would be loving, solid, etc., because my first impulse might be that they are a bit boring. Hey, I am boring!
It really stinks that x was the "model" for so long--he either played the part well, or changed drastically over the last 2 years. Friends were always pointing out what a "hunk" he was (most often used descriptor), and then were amazed by how much he participated in the family beyond traditional roles...they often asked if he would rub shoulders with their husbands, hoping that some of his qualities would rub off! Bet they aren't wishing that, anymore!
My bar is going to be set pretty high; I had a good relationship for a very long time. I just want the next one to be better at communication. Who knows? Maybe I'll run into a strong-willed professional?
Thanks, Ian. Oh, and now that I wrote up my "wish list," maybe you can introduce me to someone worthy, someday!
You are right, though...now is not the time. I hope that you are right, in that "he" will show up when I least expect it. It was a very long time ago, but that was when x showed up--I had given up hope that I would ever find someone to love me (and I was only 16). I don't want to think that I'll be alone forever.
Notice how many of us have been exploring this new kind of juggling act over here in Surviving, though? Glad we can go through it together...
When you are ready and really open to others, men will approach you. Your energy will change. It will happen.
No one had hit on me in 17 years of M. When I was ready, despite 100 extra pounds, men came out of the woodwork. I was attractive because of my happiness, energy, and openness to new Rs. When I reentered a committed R, the men disappeared again. I'm still happen, I just emit not-available-at-all energy, lol.
Now, before you reach the point of men approaching you because of your energy, you can surely line up dates with needy losers. It won't do them or you any good. The big risk is that you'll find a raw co-dependent to bond with and spiral down a sick, ill-fated R pretty darn quickly.
In any case, when you are ready to date, it won't be such high drama. And remember, almost anyone you date you won't want to see again, and almost every R you have will not last. That is why dating is required in the first place. It isn't failure, it is experimenting to find a good life.
Oh, and back off explaining X's motives to leaving the M to your kids. Explain your feelings, don't tell the kids X's thoughts/motives. It isn't your place and you are most likely wrong. It is as problematic as X telling S what you think (or at least what he thinks you think.) In any case, these are adult problems. Consider what you would want to have told your kids if two years down the road you and X reconciled. What you tell them now should be the same regardless of whether reconciliation ever happens.
BTW, this is very telling: " I hope that you are right, in that "he" will show up when I least expect it. It was a very long time ago, but that was when x showed up--I had given up hope that I would ever find someone to love me (and I was only 16). I don't want to think that I'll be alone forever."
It is pretty ridiculous for a 16 year old to think she'll be alone forever. Similarly now. You've been divorced for less than a month and are nowhere near being in a place where you can be emotionally available without being needy. To be worrying about being alone forever is no more realistic now than when you were 16. And the same thing is driving it in both cases. This neediness and fear of not being loved has everything to do with your family of origin and nothing to do with the availability of men in the world.
You'll get to where there is a place in your life for a great R, and then there will be one.
And, at least wait until you are no longer attracted to X-clones. There was a lot more you wanted from your M. Remember your dreams, and find someone who you won't have to forget them for.
my bad.