Yes, Silly, so many of us made the same mistake. But YOU are going to fix your SSM, as evidenced on your other thread and the updates you've been giving. :0)
I have another topic ....
AM I FLATTERED BECAUSE A MAN WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME?
I am hoping to let some men see a woman's thoughts on this, and maybe get some men's opinions about what I'm about to say.
First off, I'm not talking about my specific man when I say "a man" who wants to have sex with me. I am talking about all the men in my entire life, up until I meet the man of my dreams...and therefore, I have been shaped by my thoughts and opinions on this before I meet my husband.
OK, so first off, you are a young girl coming into adolescence. Your mother, other female relatives, and all your friends, begin talking about sex - in various ways. Your mother and other relatives are talking about it because they want you to know that ANY MAN will have sex with you if you let him, so don't listen to his sweet words - they are only designed to get into your pants. Your friends are talking about sex because you and they are getting close to the age when you actually will have sex, so you are all just trying to learn what you can from each other. Amongst you, you share what your mothers and other female relatives have told you: that ANY MAN will do you if you let him. You banter about this point, but you really have no clue what it means.
Then you start dating.
You find out very quickly that ANY MAN really will want to have sex with you if you are willing.
It doesn't mean you are special.
It doesn't mean you are smart.
It doesn't mean you are pretty.
It just means he wants to have sex - with ANYONE.
Now, please guys, don't think I am trying to bash you. I am just telling you what it is like from the young woman's point of view.
You get hurt over and over at first, because you give sex to these young men you are dating, and to you it means something special - a gift you gave them, one which you thought they wanted very badly. However, to them it means nothing. They dump you the next day because now that they've had sex with you, they just want to have sex with someone else.
It takes a few lessons like this to get it through your thick female skull that although you DO have this massive sexual power over men, you can't actually give them what they appear to want so badly (sex), or else they don't want YOU anymore.
Later you find out that as men age, this problem does get a bit better and some men figure out that they don't want sex with just anyone. (Also, lucky for you, young woman, the men hopefully get better lover skills as they get older, too).
But by now, the message is planted. *Any man will have sex with any willing woman.* I am not saying this is 100% true, but really, isn't it pretty close to being true? I'm not talking about married men going outside their marriage, I'm talking about single men. ANY of them will have sex with any willing woman. Yeah, ok, so narrow it down to be, any willing woman he is even remotely attracted to. But that's still nearly any woman.
And by now, as an older adult, you can actually hear men talk about things like "all men look" and "all men picture you naked, no matter what you look like" and "all men will fantasize about doing your sister, so just get used to it, its no big deal, its just how we are". I used to be so fascinated by this I would deliberately solicit men to talk about it, to see whether it was really true or not. I had one man who I had only met maybe twice, (not a date, just a friend/associate). He opened up to me about being very sexual the second time I met him. So I asked him lots of questions. He confirmed the whole "I'd do any willing woman" thing. He even told me that the first time we had met, he had pictured me laying naked on the table we were having coffee at. I was a young married woman at the time with literally ZERO sexual interest in him. But ... I was attractive, so to him, I was fair game to picture laying naked on the table.
I just did my best over time to really understand that men don't mean anything when they want to have sex with you. It is biological and isn't meant to be insulting to us, at all.
I have a guy friend. He was my boyfriend when I was 14 years old, but I hesitate to call him an ex, as we were literally just children. We have been able to retain a somewhat strained friendship over the many many years since then. I helped him through his divorce, he helped me through mine. At one point, we were both single at the same time. He wanted us to try going out. I was not attracted to him and wanted to only remain friends. So he asked for at least just a one-time sex tryst.
I said "no".
He said "well, are you at least flattered that I would want to?"
I said "ugh...NO. Any man would want to f*ck me".
He said "wow, you sure are full of yourself, aren't you?"
I said "well, it you want to look at it that way, but I haven't met a man to date that hasn't made that clear to me, so I'm not being conceded, I'm just telling you what I've learned in my life".
He said "gosh, if I thought any woman would want to f*ck me, you would say I was totally full of myself".
I said "but its totally different, don't you get that? Women usually don't just want sex, but men can and do just want sex sometimes. They want relationships too, but in between relationships they are perfectly happy with just sex...just like what YOU are trying to talk ME into. Why in the world would I be flattered? You would want one-time sex with any other attractive woman in the world, too."
He didn't see my point.
Do any of you guys here see what I am getting at?
Can you relate to it at all?
Can you at least see how it must feel to be a woman? You have this enormous power over men, yet, you only have power over what THEY want from you. You don't have power over them for what WE want from them, ie: love, committment, emotional intimacy, romance, a strong shoulder to lean on, etc.
Yes of course there are ways to manipulate either sex to get what you want. I am just pointing out that as a woman, by the time you reach adulthood, you really do feel like a piece of meat.
Others mileage may vary, but this is my view. Any man would have sex with me. Big whoop. It means nothing special about me at all.
So now enter a woman with similar experiences to mine into a marriage...can you see why she may find it hard to believe that her husband wants sex with her because he loves her? Because he wants to feel his love for her and express it? Because he wants to bond with her? Because when he has sex with her he feels her love for him? This goes against everything she has ever learned. Most women at this point have only learned that men will have sex with anyone who is willing, not that they "feel their love" for her during the act.
Now guys, I have learned my lesson and am with the man of my dreams and it has all worked out wonderfully (I got sex 3 times this weekend, for instance - woo hoo!) But just trying to get into each other's heads and understand the opposite sex, I thought I would try to show you inside my mind.
Am I flattered that a man wants to have sex with me? Well, my own man, yes. Any other man, no.
