Withdrawal of OM and coping

[sandi2]

Hey Sweetie, I know it is tough going. The depression from the withdrawal is rough. I don't know if this will help you or not for me to tell you something personal about my parents. They were married many years before my dad passed away. But, at one time they went through a bad time of it and my mom kind of lost respect for my dad b/c of their living conditions and she did not think he was trying hard enough to bring in enough income to live on. Anyway, she had always had a lot of pride....as did her mother, and my mom was and still is a very beautiful lady. However, during this bad time, she probably let herself go as much as I had ever seen her and one day my grandmother came by to see us and she never said anything, but just looked at my mom and when she saw the pain in her mother's eyes, my mom knew she had to do something to change things. Although she had no control over what my dad did or the kind of work he did at the time or how much or how little, etc., she went to work on her attitude and started keeping herself looking good all the time, just as she did in happier days. She did not feel towards my dad the way she should, but she begin to "pretend" that everything was good. She acted happy and she acted "as if" she felt the "in love" feelings and showed repect for him....even though she really did not feel it at that time. However, one day she realized that she was no longer "pretending" and acting "as if" b/c she really had those feelings in her heart. I have tried to take a lesson from that and I know my mother well enough to know it had to be true or she would not have told me that. She told me that story during the time that I was going through my ordeal with the OM and trying to decide whether to leave my H or stay. I'm afraid that I haven't put as much energy into it as my mother did, but I do believe it is possible. If you will encourage me.....I will try my best to encourage you and we both will do better at getting to where we belong. What do you say?

I feel that you have it worse in some ways b/c you had a PA and it is harder to get over than an EA.....at least I would think so. I think I got a head start at this before you, (not sure about the time frame), but then I think you are younger than me and have more vitality. So, all in all......does it all about balance out? (lol) I don't know, but I know it is hard and I don't think anyone realizes just how hard it is that has not been through it. Nor, do they really understand just how we feel.

I well remember the limbo stages and the pure agony of not knowing which way I was going to go....trying to make up my mind. I remember nearly getting caught on the computer talking to the OM and my blood pressure shooting out the top of my head. One day I would think I was going to stay in my M and the next day I would want to run away. I got to where I could not eat, and the only good thing that came from it was that I lost weight. Then after I decided to stay with my H, I got so depressed that I gained it all back! I'm not being very encouraging am I? Okay, so I'll stop talking like that.

I can tell you that when you finally do get over that longing for the OM that things do get better and life starts to spring back again. I have health problems that prevent me from being as active as I use to be or life would be a lot more springier than it is (lol). I think it is important for women that are trying to get over feelings for OM need to GAL as well as a LBS. That's not to say that she isn't to include her H, but just get a life that keeps her busy and do something she really enjoys. I think I got trapped doing things that I really didn't want to do, but felt obligated to do for a long time....and that's not a good way to live. So, try to enjoy your life the best you can.

I appreciate what you said about the scripture and all. It tells me that you are probably are a Christian. And being so, you can enjoy not feeling that guilt after cutting off OM and enjoy church work (if you like that sort of thing). I always loved it, but when I got involved with OM my church work ceased, needless to say. So, to be able to go to church and worship and also take part in various things centered around church work sure feels good again. This is who I was before OM came into my life. I know that if I left my H and went to live with OM that God would not bless my union with the OM. It would be like choosing between God and OM.......the Church and OM. So, I know who I am and what I am and how I have to live my life. I know everyone looks at it differently, but I'm like that woman in the Bible you spoke of.......I am a sinner, but I am a "saved" sinner. Being a Christian doesn't make us perfect. But, I know the One Who is perfect and that fact alone--sets me free.

Wow! Bet you didn't know I was a preacher! (lol) Well, I'm not. Just trying to say some things that I hope will help you over another little hill. Every day that you can get through without contacting the OM will be a victory day for you.

I would like to add this since I was talking about acting "as if" you had feelings that you don't necessarily have for your H at the moment.....don't be too hard on yourself. Just try to win this battle that you are going through first. Maybe others don't see it like that, but it's like I told another person about trying to diet, stop smoking and stop drinking all at the same time.....it's just too much! Take one battle at a time, okay? Get a handle on your actions and behavior and decisions where the OM is concerned and then start working on acting "as if" you have those right feelings for your H.

Hope to hear from you again, soon. Take care of yourself. That is so important.

Sandi