H called. He got the tix. I couldn't talk at work but sent him a tm later thanking him. He sounded like he may be looking forward to it.
Not sure if s16 will go and I hate to leave him home on the 4th (unless he has plans). I guess we will see.
I am sitting tight....but still cautious as I feel H may want something...(like i said before..the new eye ins. card since his glasses broke or something with the house). So I will take it one moment at a time because I have been down this road before.
Glad to hear that he came through for the tickets. I'm sure your son will want to go too.
It's okay to be leery of their being nice, it comes w/the territory after all that we've been through w/them, but take each day as it comes and go from there. I hope that all of you will enjoy the game and leave the mlc monster outside the stadium for the day.
Have a good week!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The kids and I went to the local fireworks last night. Glad we did but we are all a little tired today. H called while we were there. Said there was a problem with the baseball tix and we can't use them. I told him ...no problem..as i truly understood.
He came by a little while ago. Showed me the tix...which are invalid..but he did have them. I told him it was not necessary...as I did believe the story he told me. He could have used 2 other tix and taken d12 but he said he didn't want to do that.
Anyway, he was here for a bit. I was outside reading and he was in with d13. She fell asleep and a little while later he said he was leaving. Had to pick up his glasses he left at work last night (since he doesn't have a spare pair...thus my suspicion about the eye ins. card).
H said he had a work party he was invited to go to today. He found out about it last night. Whatever. I will be with the kids. S16 is having his gang over later. I know my children are longing to be with h's family at his sister's house. I do not know if they were invited or not (she would have told h)...but I know they miss the family life and being with all of their aunts, uncles,cousins. It sucks.
So H is off. Couldn't stand to be here at holiday time. I have to wonder if he thinks about the great 4ths we had in the past. Big family gatherings and happy kids. It breaks my heart...all over again.
I truly think he is so done with our R and life together. He will not do the work to fix this. I guess we are not worth the effort.
A, Glad to see that you and the family did go to the fireworks last night.
A, he does think about all of the happy times he spent w/his family and that is one of the reasons he can't be around much when a holiday comes along. It's not that he's tossed the relationship in the can. Guilt/depression are eating him alive and as long as he's got this going on, he can't be around his loved ones during the "family" gathering type of holidays. It reminds him of what he's left behind and what a boob he is.
So, pick yourself up, get in that pool and have a great afternoon. Let the boob work today and earn some extra bucks and then go back to his little room and sit and sulk. You and the kids should enjoy the holiday and thank the dear Lord you are healthy and have each other.
Now, get out there and enjoy the 4th of July!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
He actually went to a party at someone's house from work...not to work.....I guess it is easier for him to put the mask on and be with his "friends" rather than to be with us.
Anyway, the weather is overcast here. Teenagers will be descending upon me shortly for s16's get together. D13 is still asleep and I am back and forth inside doing things and outside relaxing with a book. Nice having a day to just hang.
I didn't have any contact with H for most of the week. No tms or calls....guess he is trying to move on. Whatever.
A, Don't assume that he actually went to the party. They do tend to lie and want us to think that they are having the time of their lives. Your h could very well be sitting at home staring at the four walls or curled up in the bed trying to sleep. Believe nothing they tell you and only 50% of what they do.
I'm sure your home will be rocking shortly w/all of the kids. Enjoy yourself and allow the sound of laughter to ring throughout your home.
Happy Fourth of July!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well the kids had a great 4th of july bash. S16's friends brought over fireworks and food and I grilled up burgers and dogs for them. D13 had a good time also but I know she was still in a funk about not being with h...or his family. Even if they didn't want me or H at the gathering, they should have asked the kids to come for a bit. I have always said that I would just drop them off if they were invited. Oh well.
Anyway Snodderly, I think H probably did go to the party or did do something. He will put on his mask (the 18 year old personna) and go. He seems to be pulling further and further away from us. It's like he stops by and checks in over the weekend...then we hear nothing from him during the week. He isn't even tm'ing d13 at night (although she is so tired from camp she falls asleep early and I have told him that).
So I guess I will leave him out there. Tuesday will be our 19th wedding anniversary. The 3rd since he moved out. I hope the day comes and goes quickly. It is too painful to think of when I feel like my whole life with this man has been a lie...and has been tossed aside for the new life he is living. It is like the kids and I are just an appendage that he has left dangling.
Sorry for the blahs....just how i feel my R with H is....hopeless.
A, Your situation is only as hopeless as you allow it to be. Look at it this way, your h is phoning, texting and coming by to spend time w/the children. He's brought you dinner and participated in some activities and repairs around the home. Many do not do these things. Many will ride off into the sunset and we do not hear from them until they are pinched for money. Your h has been one of the few that has been connected to you and your family since day one. So, no I don't see your relationship w/your h as hopeless. I see it as being a bit stuck right now, but it will become unglued at some point and he'll continue down the path.
What I think he's doing is dealing with some more depression if he's not contacting your d during the week. It could be that it's taking all of his energy to work his job and when he comes home, depression grabs him and he doesn't have any more energy to put on the happy mask for your daughter. The type of depression that gets them is very debilitating to them, i.e., it zaps their energy level. It takes a lot of energy to wear the happy mask or a contented mask when he's working and trust me, when the mask comes off, the person is a dead man walking and the site is unbelieveable.
Your h has been traveling the path for quite some time, therefore, I'm not surprised by the withdrawal that he's doing. They all do it at some point. As for the inlaws and your family not being with them for the holiday, well...it might have been taht your inlaws went elsewhere for the holiday and didn't have anything at their home or they may have opted not to participate in anything this year. At some point, many inlaws just let things be and allowed things to shake out, so to speak, or don't want to be involved in the drama of mlc and the lbs. It's hard on everyone, most especially the children. That's why it's very important to create new traditions, which I think you did yesterday. I was very glad to see that you and your family had a great bash.
A, I'm very sorry that he's taking a long time to come through this, but he will either come through it or not in his own time. Unfortunately his clock runs on "slow" and isn't on our time. That's why it's very important not to focus on him because it takes away too much of your valuable time doing things for you and your children.
Wishing you a pleasant weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
He sure has been down this path a long time...you are so right. I feel like something's gotta give.
Today would be our anniversary. 19 years. I find myself questioning so much...and also knowing that I don't have the answers. I just hope that God will oneday point my H in the right direction.
I tm'd h today but made no mention of the date. I just needed to make sure he would pick d up from camp early tomorrow for her game. It was brief. He said fine...and that was that.
H came by the house on sunday. He came up late and apologized...he was working out and lost track of time. He is obsessed right now with telling me about his workouts...whatever.
The kids and I were by the pool. He took d13 to pick up a few floats and when he came back he sat in a shady corner. Didn't coment on how the pool looked and could barely look at it. He did mention how much d13 loved the water. She was putting on quite a show.
D13 and I left for her game and he stated he had to go pick up some things at the store and then he met us there. It seems as if he can only spend a certain amount of time with us...before he has to disappear. He left right after the game. Said he was exhausted.
I am so totally focused on my kids right now. It is all about them. Work is stressful for me right now and I am looking at some internal postings to see if I am qualified for a better paying position. I love the people that I work with but I need to do what's best for my family.
As for H, his cycling into the late night calls and tm's has stopped. I find this very odd and I know that I am analizing but I have to wonder if he has given up on us or if he has totally moved on. I really feel as though the R with he and s16 is a major factor in him being so stuck.
Anyway, I am off to pick up the kids soon. Need to take my mind off the date. Hard to believe that this is how my life has turned out. My h looks and acts like he did when we were in high school.......and I wish he could wake up and see all that he is missing.
A, Happy anniversary despite what is happening. It was a very happy time for you and your h and you shouldn't allow what he's doing to destroy those beautiful memories.
Of course, he can't stay around you for very long. The guilt and depression are eating him alive. Eventually, you may find that he doesn't call or come over as much. This is called the withdrawal stage of depression. They'll go through periods of this while in depression. It appears that your h has already started if your nights are quieter. He's really focusing on himself and pulling himself within. Don't think this is odd at all. It's all par for the course. Continue to read the depression symptoms and you will find that what he is doing is very, very normal.
Keep the focus on you and your children. I do think you are very wise to seek employment with more $$$ attached to it. Things aren't getting any cheaper these days.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
