You're right, and I did it myself--you can see it in my signature: Married 8 years, Together 12, Sex-Starved 10. It doesn't add up, does it?
But--in my own defense--the thing is, we'd had great passion for each other before, and by the time we were talking about marriage I thought there were all these "temporary" things putting her under pressure. I thought we'd get married, the pressure of student teaching and dealing with the wedding would come off, and I'd be able to make changes back to the way we'd been before. I knew I was no sex-crazed weirdo, because she'd had a lot more sex than I had. She was my first, and I'd even made her wait quite awhile; I wanted to be sure we wanted to be together for good before we had sex. I was not her first--or her third--and I thought to myself, well, obviously the desire is there. She had these other guys before she met me, and she used to tear my clothes off, so even though we're going through a dry spell right now, that's not the real relationship.
Now I know it wasn't a dry spell. It was like I was planting corn in the desert because there'd been flash floods the first season. She tried to tell me; I told her I didn't want to have a sexless marriage, and she told me she would try very hard, but "there are no guarantees. I can't promise you I'm going to want to have sex."
Maybe I should have walked away then, but I didn't. And if I had, I would have missed my sons, her laughing at my jokes, all the things I love about her. It's not quite as simple as running a checksum to see if the numbers match.
