For the Guy with kids and a WW5

[hopeful4her]

When roomie got back last night, I chopped up some of the brisket for tacos for lunch for today. Roomie had taken S14 to rent some more movies and games for the next day. I heated up a tortilla. It is a new brand that we haven't tried before. Roomie continued where she had left off on steam cleaning the carpet. I took her a part of the tortilla to let her see what she thought. I intended to give her a half rolled up one. She bends over and tears off a piece with her teeth like a dog. She gives me a smile.

I let her know that I am making myself some tacos for lunch and did she want some. She says yes. "Two please." I say ok.

I clean up the dinner mess and wash dishes. Roomie finished her chore. I walk to our room and she is in there putting on a movie. She asks me if I want to watch a movie with her. She wants to see if it is appropriate for D11. I say sure. She lays on bed and says she wants some ice cream. I say, "What?", pretending I didn't hear her. "I want some watermelon." I say, "Which one?" She says,"I don't know. Just something... cold." I get the movie going on our computer and get us both some ice cream. We watch and give each other looks at the inappropriate parts of the movie.

D11 won't be seeing this one. One of those movies where the young guy and girl switch bodies.

After movie, to bed. She did not bring her purse to the room. She tells me goodnight.

Goodnight.

This morning I am up extra early to open the office. I get ready and leave roomie sleeping. I make my lunch and leave some things for roomie to make her lunch. She gets up and makes the bed and comes and tell me good morning.

But she is not in a good mood. Not that she said something, just how she reacts. I tell her I want to pick up her suv today because I need to have the tire repaired. We found a screw in it on Saturday. She is just acting strange.

Mood swings, I guess. I notice she that she must have taken her meds sometime yesterday for the day.

I sent an email to her a little bit ago:


Buongiorno.

My Italian word for the day.

Didn't like the last joke, huh? Ok, no joke today. I thought for sure it might get a chuckle. I'll think of a better one for another day.

Firestone closes late today, so I can wait until I get off of work to pick up the Rodeo. I'll get the tire fixed and then take it back to you when they finish. Should be before you get off. Let me know if that's cool with you.

Hope you liked the brisket y me tacitos today. Secret ingredient this time. B E E R.

Alrighty then. Have a GREAT day and I'll call before I head out.


Temperature check. No response, then I'll know how to go. Big pull back. If response is good, then I'll keep doing what I have been doing.

[whatdidido]

Whenever I cleaned things were good with my H. When the house got messy and I didn't care, that's when I wanted "out" or I was in more of a severely depressed state. I did clean some when I thought I might be selling our house.....figured I'd get some headway on getting rid of the excess junk.

[hopeful4her]

Amazing how ya'll seemingly think alike.

I would LOVE to think that her ups and downs are because of her ending things with OM, but who knows. Well actually, SHE would, but not ready to press it at this time.

Her ups and downs could be because she is just off her nut.

No response on my email as of yet. She could be really busy at work. It is the last day of the month. It has been a little busy where I work, too.

I was considering just going home if I didn't hear from her, but that would be childish, I think. I'll just try to call her before I go and if I still can't get a hold of her, just show up at her work to exchange keys. I need to get that tire fixed.

I also need to talk to her tonight because I want to ask her if I can go with her to the appointment with the neurologist.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I also need to talk to her tonight because I want to ask her if I can go with her to the appointment with the neurologist.

Don't ask. Just do -- and don't take 'no' for an answer.

[hopeful4her]

What I actually told her was,"I will let you decide, but I want to go with you to the neurologist." She paused and said ok. Instead of just leaving it at that, I said, "Its up to you." She said that I could tell him what happened better than she could.

Is that my passive-aggressive behavior. I wanted her to think that she was making the decision. To realize the benefit of my going with her. We also realized that she got the date wrong. It is not until Thursday at 1pm.



Yesterday after work, I called roomie to ask if she wanted me to take the car. "Yes, I have been waiting all day. I didn't go anywhere for lunch because I didn't know what time you were coming", she said kind of short.

I said, "I sent you an email."
She then told me that she thinks they are blocking my emails. She got a message that an email was undeliverable due to content. My monkey joke. Thats why she hasn't responded.

I pick her vehicle and I am at the tire shop for 3 hours. I was pissed. I was there until 8:30. While there, I called roomie, but she didn't answer her phone. I called the house and talked to S14. Told him I was bored. He said he heard me calling his mom, but she was outside with the D's taking care of the puppies. We talk for a while. He has a friend show up, so I let him go.

I call "B". I was bored as hell and needed to talk to someone. Anyone. I was just feeling like sh**. I could hear other people talking to their significant others. Just talking. Stuff. Sharing. I didn't have that. So I called her.

Just talking about stuff. Her kids. Her mom. Our friends. Her ex. I update her on my sitch. Recent stuff. Haven't spoken to her in maybe a month. About a half hour.

They finish the car and I leave. I call roomie to let her know I was finished. She sounds kind of hurried. I ask her if she got in trouble for the email. She says not really, she got a message about it. I begin to tell her the joke, and she cuts me off to tell me to tell her the joke at home. She is on the other line with enabling GF. My ex SIL.

I get home and she is still on the phone. She is making all sorts of stuff for dinner. Left overs mostly. I overhear her talking. Some friends of ours who apperantly seperated too. My brother. I hear her telling the story of her getting sick and having to postpone her move.

She then tells her that they will have an apartment for her on August 1.

I am upset by the news. I have been thinking that she has not been really nice lately. Is this why. Maybe she got the news on Friday, and that is why she has been pushing me away. Her guilty defense mechanism. I am quiet for the rest of the night. She can tell. She is kind of quiet, too but she is trying to engage me in things a little. I give one word answers. We watch a movie with D6(groan, the Bratz movie again)then get everyone to bed.

I ask roomie if she got to eat lunch. She tells me yes, she took lunch and ate everything. She wanted more. I tell her that she mentioned that she was not able go anywhere for lunch, earlier. I assume she had taken lunch, so didn't know why she had to mention she couldn't leave. "I just assumed you would eat lunch at work", I say, trying to get her to slip up on something like meeting OM for a picnic or something. "I had wanted to go pay some bills at the stores" she says.

Again, roomie tries to get me to laugh at something. I give a little chuckle, but not really interested and then she gets on the phone with aunt from Laredo. I go to room and read the paper. I can hear her talking about family stuff again. Starting to cry, the funeral, the aunt, her mom and her husband. Same old sh**. After an hour, she gets off and comes to take a shower. Getting her nightgown, she pauses and kind of stares off.

I ask, "Is Frances ok?"
"Yeah, she's fine." She is still staring.
"Are you ok?"
She pauses. "I'm ok."
She showers. I snoop her phone. A couple texts from OM yesterday. Like he has tried to contact her, but got no response. A text from her little sister. Like she was forwarding a message. "Ask your sister to text me. I have not heard from her and I worry about her."

Sounds like she is trying to cool it off a bit. That was good news. Maybe an issue from last Friday, when she started to act a little distant to me.

This morning we are up. While shaving I decide to break my silence.
"I overheard you telling Robin about August 1st."
"What about it?"
"About the apartment being ready."
"Yeah."
"When did you find out?"
"Just yesterday."
"Oh, I thought that it might have been on Friday."
Long pause.
"Why last Friday?"
"Because that was when you started to act differently towards me. I thought you were ignoring my emails."
"Actually, I was mad at everyone on Saturday. And you shouldn't assume. Everyone always assumes the worst of me."
"You started pushing me away on Friday. What made you mad Saturday?"
"Your just being a man."

We finish getting dressed. I continue:

"What was it that made you mad on Saturday?"
"I was just frustrated at men in general. Mad at S14 for not calling all week, then he wants something and then nephew for coming and just leaving again. You just happen to be around. Unlucky for you."
"You want to know something funny? I figured it was something. Thats why I left you alone and was quiet."
"That was for the better."

Our tone with each changed immediatley. I made our coffee and offered lunch. She declined. She'll pick up something while out paying her bills today. I tell her that S14 wants to go work out and swim tonight at health club. We'll see.

Outside, putting something in the back of my Charger, I see more boxes. She comes over to take them out. "I got some more boxes."

She comes to me and stands in front of me. "Well, have a good day."

I pause. Looking at her. Eyes fixed. I go for a hug. She hugs me back.
"You have a good day, too. A GREAT day."

I break the hug.

"Bye. Don't forget to finish your makeup" and I was gone.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

H4H,

It's good that you break the hugs, but your convos with your wife are totally enmeshed/codependent. Everything is about how her actions make YOU feel. And you're walking on eggs at the beginning, too -- JUST SPIT IT OUT! I can see where this has probably driven her nuts.

It would have been much better to have said:

"I heard you talking on the phone about August 1st, and having an apartment. When were you going to tell me?" Then, once she told you, simply saying "Thank you for letting me know. I will plan accordingly," and then go off and do something.

Puppy

[hopeful4her]

Puppy, not why my brain works that way. Always has. I have to learn that if I want a straight answer, I need to ask a straight question. I will keep reminding myself of that.

It will sink in. Maybe it is my way of drawing her into a conversation. I want a conversation, not a question and answer session.

I was actually glad we had the talk, no matter how it looked.

At one point, I mentioned that we had been dealing with each other very well recently. That we had been actually enjoying each others company. She agreed to this. It was like she realized it and then had to fix it. She didn't say anything to that.

She also mentioned, while she was telling me about her being frustrated on Saturday, that on the inside, she was actually CURSING men and that it just so happened that I was there to catch it. Because I was a man.

OM must have pissed her off for something that Friday or Saturday morning while I was at work.

[hopeful4her]

I am having one of those days that I question everything I have done.

WHY am I still trying. Do I really want her to stay? If she is still involved with OM, then I SAY no. But in the same breath, I know that I really don't want her to leave. That I am still willing to try to work on me to let her see. For her to change her mind.

But she has caused me so much pain. So much hurt. How can this angel that I once knew, do this to us?

If you were to meet her, and not know her sitch, you would want to be around her all the time. She is a beautiful person inside and out. She has always put others before herself. A wonderful mother. So full of life. So caring. She has been hurt in her life.

That is what causes so much pain. And confusion. The person that she thinks she wants to be is not really who she is. Without the constant pull of OM, I know that if she does leave, she will come to her senses.

That is what I want to believe. My heart is so full of love for her and at the same time, so heart broken for her. I keep thinking that God has sent her to me to care for her. To be the one to get her through life. And vice versa. She has taught me to enjoy life. To try to have fun everyday. Life is too short. She is all the things that I am not. I am all the things that she is not. She literally rocked my world. I have experienced so much with her. I can't stand the thought of losing her.

The ying to my yang. That is the tattoo on my shoulder. Two opposites that together make a whole. And at the same time, a little bit of one inside the other.

I am getting an overwhelming sense of sadness. That I only have 30 days left of the life that we have spent so much effort in building. Then I will be alone.

Alone. I have never been alone. Never. I have always had someone in my life. I fear the loneliness.

I don't care about what she has done. It is forgiven. The signs that have been presented to us. They are impossible to be ignored.

Yet, she does.

It's just so sad. So sad. I pray for her everyday. For God to keep His hand upon her. To protect her body and soul. She is this hurt person that I have always been there to help and protect. Feeling like I was put in her and her sons life to save them. And in turn, for them to save me.

This rescuer needs to be rescued.

But I can only rescue myself now.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

H4H,

Has she ASKED for your forgiveness?

Has she repented (turned away) from what she has been doing?

Puppy

[fightingirish]

h4h...

Im so sorry.. I can feel the pain from your post.

She's got to come to her senses on her own. You can't force it.

She doesn't deserve you, sorry, she just doesn't.