Help! New to this...still hoping for R

[Rusty]

I don't know if it is awesome or not. He seems so comfortable with being without us. And he has said so many times that he just doesn't feel love for me anymore. That I killed it over the course of our lives together. He has no interest in believing I have changed. I know I need to put actions to the words and I am trying to do that, but he is the type that, just out of his stubborness, he would not come back or have a R with me, because he said it was over and he meant it. Does that make any sense? That is my worry. When he called me a year and a half ago and said he thought he had made a mistake and wanted to see how we would be together, I of course pushed too much and after 10 months, he wanted back out. I think I was even worse then than I was when he first left, because I thought we were doing very well. So I carried on for months, until I found this site. The basic begging, how could you do this to me, I hate you...etc. I think at that point he made a commitment to himself that he would not hurt me again, so I don't think there is any way he would come back even if he saw significant changes. He also says he fears coming back and then wanting to leave again and doing this all over again to our kids, especially D.
So I guess my point is, if I am stuck in this sitch and I don't feel right about dating or having a R (sex) with someone else, what are my options other than to try to be with H?