i'm clueless....

[Dom R]

~I've asked him to help me get the girls ready lots of times, but he always tells me no, that it's easier if i just get everyone ready, then tell him when we are all done, so he can start getting ready while i get everyone into the car (3 car seats). He says since it only takes him 10 minutes to get ready, it works better that way.

boundary time!.

Stop accepting this from him.
Yeah, of course it's easier.. FOR HIM!

Next time HE wants you all to go somewhere... insist that HE get the girls ready... or you dont go. dont back down.

When he got back, he asked what was wrong with me, so i told him... I told him that no matter how hard i try or how hard i work, nothing is ever good enough for him. ...

good opportunity for positive confrontation there... but an opportunity missed.
You had a conversation about "feelings".
That doesnt usually work on men.
If you had a conversation/confrontation about, "you dont help me enough" [a conversation on actions ] it might have been more productive.

That hurt, but it's my own fault. I told him that he needed to start spending time with his family if he didn't want it to fall apart (in the last 2 weeks he had spent more time with his dad and step mom, than us) and that his girls needed him more than he was giving.

I'll repeat something that I offered to you a few months ago:
you need to stop trying to "fix" his relationship with your children, and instead focus 100% on his relationship with you!!!

You cannot (and in some ways, should not) try to "fix" his relationship with his children. That's his choice to make, not yours. That is between him, and them.
YOu cant fix it, and you are only pissing him off when you try !!

In contrast, his relationship with YOU, has "you" in it. That is therefore your business

He sarcastically said is this one of those arguements where later you'll come back and say well i told you i was unhappy...

i told him it was, that this was me telling him i wasn't happy and that things need to change.

"things need to change", is one of the worst things a wife can say in a marriage. It's one of the worst, because the wife thinks she's actually "stated her case clearly", but from the man's perspective, it's as clear as mud, he has no idea what to do, so he feels justified in doing nothing.
[when faced with an unreasonable demand, it is "reasonable" to do nothing, in their opinion].


I would like to suggest to you, that you need to focus on stating very clearly to him, specific things about what needs to change, about his actions, as they relate to your relationship with him.

"helping you with the girls" could be in that category, so long as it is only about you, not about "him spending more time with/bonding with your girls", or "being a better father", or anything other than "his relationship with his wife".

I have to point out, though, that him helping you with the girls, may make you feel better about HIM, but does nothing to help him feel better about YOU. So I would suggest also including some desired actions from him, that could make him also feel closer to you.

PS: and you might also go get some MC for yourself, even if he wont go.