Wife is considering filing - Need Help

[LosingSunshine]

Coming to terms with sitch. Have greater understanding of issues and the fact that only my positive actions can bring a positive resonse from WAW.

Need to stay focused on me, my kids, my life and detach from W.

Fear. I fear for my kids. I fear that their lives will be forever changed. They will be okay. We are both great parents. But one + one never equals 2 in this case. 4D is asking questions. She's too young to understand. Too young to have to ask questions. Too young to have to deal.

Detachment. Has SSM allowed me to be more detached than I think I really am? I have unconditional love for my WAW but why does it feel easier to throw in the towel and move on. This is only the beginning of week 3. Have we both moved so far away from needing and wanting to provide the love that each of us needs, to be the one to provide and receive from each other?

Friendship. I am and will always be my Ws friend but what does her view of me being her friend mean? Is it a convenient friendship at this point because she is still in same house? Does she refuse to act like we are Sep because of not wanting to betray our friendship? How to build upon friendship while needing to LRT to stop the train? How to pull away yet show compassion?

Father. I will always be my kids father. I will always love and cherish them. I will be their protector and guide. I will be there for them when others aren't. I will be there to listen. I will be there to teach. I will be there to have fun.

Listen. I am learning to listen, understand and validate. I am beginning to understand eventhough she is not fully opening up. I can see in her eyes that she is scared, afraid and sorry for putting us through this. Her mind is made up. There is no stopping her. She needs to find happiness and independence. I admire the strength it took for her to do this. I feel sorrow for the suffering she endured while coming to this point. I will not stop her. She needs to stop herself. Will my actions bring her to see that she can accomplish everything she wants and needs and still have M?

Balance. Their is a greater sense of balance in the house with respect to kids and chores. It hasn't been like this in years.

Afraid. W is afraid to tell parents. I am not afraid to tell mine. Why is she afraid? Is it fear of hearing what she knows will be said? Does she know that she should do what will be said? She's tired of trying and wants to move forward. She gave it her all. She is numb to marriage and to me. Will parents understand? MIL spent years dealing and learned the hard way. MIL is tough. MIL is caring. MIL knows the importance of dealing with and resolving issues before moving on. MIL is not my best friend. MIL is terrific grandma.

Worry. W stopped worrying about me but hasn't. Says she always will because she is connected to me through the kids. I worry too. I worry for the kids. I worry for her.

Love. W loves and cares for me as a friend. There is no spark. There is no romance. I let that die and now must deal with the consequences. W says that there is no chance that these feelings will come back. I understand. I was weak and selfish when I should have been strong and giving. I took and never gave and now I can't give when it's needed the most. To hold and to comfort her, to console her and keep her warm. To be the shoulder to cry on like many times long ago. I pulled back into my cave too many times and came out only when I needed something for me. To go back and to change can only be dreamed. To do it again, can only be hoped for. For the present, I can do nothing.

Was it worth the slide back to get W to agree to go to C?

How do I show her that there is a spark while in LRT?

Will my love for my kids transcend? Will the feelings of happiness warm her heart to me?