"I recently got back from a one week 25th anniversary celebration cruise - all very romantic and lovely. Spent loads of time with wife, lots of attention, lavished her with expensive gifts etc. "
This just makes my skin crawl. Sex is something that should be shared between to equal partners for the entirety of a marriage (or at least as long as all the gear works). The thought that I am going to have to buy a bunch of crap for my wife, make her dinner, take her on a cruise, blah, blah, blah, to get her to want to have sex with me REALLY PISSES ME OFF. She should want to be with you and meet your needs because you are you and your needs are important. If she can't see that....kick her to the curb where her narccisitic a$$ belongs. If this has been going on for a while, and you have expressed your needs in a healthy and loving way, and you have tried therapy, medicine and every other avenue you can try then just give up and either adjust or get out. If you have kids you should probably just accept that you are in it for the long haul. Accept that your wife is much more concerned with her needs than she is yours, stay together, but find yourself a girlfriend who actually does care for your needs, and have sex...lots of it (just don't stay overnight). Just make sure that your girlfriend understands the situation and that there is no possibility of it going anywhere. Just tell the wife that you ARE going to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life, you hope she will be part of it, but, if not, you will do her a favor and remove the sexual pressure by finding someone else. No healthy person should be forced to turn off their sex drive...it is part of who you are.
Meatpuppet = I used this moniker because that is pretty much my role in my marriage right now. Just a big old bag of meat walking around while my wife thinks she is pulling the strings.
I believe that your comments are very logical but, for me, the emotional side of me couldn't deal with a situation where I was running around with a "girl friend" behind my wife's back. I also couldn't see having a girl friend who met all of my needs and still be married to my wife, even if my wife was accepting of the situation.
I am convinced that my wife's sex drive disappeared as a result of menopause and that in her current and future state she will not have any sex drive without some kind of medical intervention. I believe she loves me. What I don't understand is why she is so reluctant to consider my needs at all. We have talked numerous times about the sex needs of males and what a natural and powerful force this is. We have talked about my desperate desire to have my touch needs met every once and a while and she understands the extent of my frustration. Having said all of that, she remains steadfast in her position that she does not want to have any form of sex life with me, apart from the twice yearly wifely duty (only if absolutely necessary). I have read a number of posts from low desire women who express they had similar attitudes and I am left wondering why there couldn't be any attempt on the wife's part to reach a mutually agreeable situation. I don't understand why the low desire wife refuses to make any kind of effort unless confronted with divorce (and this threat may or may not motivate a change). This situation does not appear to be uncommon. I have even less understaniding where the reverse situation is true - ie where the male is the low desire spouse.
Anyway, you seem to be in a somewhat similar situation to me and your hostility to the situation is probably even greater than mine. I wish I wasn't getting so pissed off with the situation, but after 10 years in this predicament, I just can't help it. I have contemplated for many years the idea of leaving my wife because of a total absence of a sex life, but when it comes to that crucial time to start on that path, I just can't pull it off. Sounds like you won't have the same difficulty if things don't turn around - let's hope your marriage doesn't come to that ending.
