Is there a glimmer of hope for I'mstillhopeful ?

[I'mstillhopeful]

THEN I started to DB...and the rest is history. H and I were just talking about all of this last night and he said he could feel that something was wrong with him and as time went on he began to miss me.

Hearing the perspective of a MLC'er who returned is so valuable. Thanks for sharing this information with those of us who are wondering what our WAS might be experiencing. It's interesting that you are able to discuss that time with him and that he remembers it. Somehow I thought that the MLC'er is in a somewhat altered state during that time and might not have the capacity to recognize that something is wrong. It is affirming that your H could recall it, and, that he is able to tell you about it.

I think the reason he missed me was because I would not give an inch into what I was doing in my life...I was secretive and always looked good when he came over.

Yes, I'm getting quite a bit of mileage out of this too. He has asked me some questions but I've been vague. I will be going to a niece's wedding and since it will cost about the same to take the train and to rent a car as to drive I've been doing Priceline. H is able to check our joint e-mail account and I don't know if he's seen the unsuccessful bids yet. I will ask him if his offer to stay with the dog is still open. Doesn't matter if he does, it's just a great way of letting him know that I am not pining. (At least publically anyway.) And yes, I am really looking forward to taking the trip - even if it's only for a weekend.

Truth is he would pick up the girls and I would look good and he would pull out of the driveway and I would change into PJ"S and watch stupid TV all by myself.

I could see myself doing that. We don't have children but I understand the desirability of just relaxing in comfort at home.
When H was still living here I made a point of being out a lot, dressing up and being very active sometimes I just wanted to curl up by the fire.

I was very lonely at the time but part of me enjoyed being alone with my thoughts. When I was alone I would cry and have a pity party for myself but I think I needed that to make me stronger.

I have been a bit lonely recently. I signed up for something on meetup.com although there isn't much in my area. The one thing I'll probably do is 70 miles away.

Just an opinion, but I would not bring him the list of things he wants. If he wants them, let him come to get them or go out and purchase new things on his own.

That bears thinking about. I certainly understand that I should not be rescuing him by making his situation easier. He has said that he had been "overly accommodating" to me in the past I was hoping to turn that around by accommodating him a bit. This is when the DB gets tricky. I will set limits with myself what I will do though.

I think maybe it was a blessing in disguise that you did not meet last night. I think it is good that YOU were the one that had to cancel. Maybe H will realize that you are not at home pining for him to come back.

In some ways it was a good thing. However, Sunday is not a good day to meet H since ESIL (evil sister-in-law ) drives 35 miles to meet him at church, go to lunch, and give him moral support for his recent decisions. She moved from another State to be closer to him. (My DB coach refers to it as emotional incest.) Before she moved here and when she would come to visit she would refuse to come to our house, instead staying at a local motel and H would visit with her there. (I was never invited.) Once I asked him why she declined my invitations he replied, "I don't know, she's an odd one. Once she has a grudge it doesn't change." She is still holding a grudge against her younger sister for something that happened when they were in grammar school. I'm not sure, but I think she was jealous of the younger one who was more spirited and definitely happier. The ESIL (I know I shouldn't think of her in that way) also avoids family gatherings when a certain brother is going to attend. I know what happened in that case, when they were children (many kids, little parental supervision) one brother dared her to take off all her clothes and run around the house. He locked the door and she couldn't get in and has never forgiven him for that. Knowing about these patterns on her behalf made me just accept that she was probably jealous that my H was spending more time with me than with her. There are three girls, one was known as the "smart" one, one was known as the "pretty" one, and the one in question is the "other" one. The one whose mother said she should plan on marrying a nice man who could take care of her. She has been very active in helping H settle into his new apartment. Taking him to yard sales and auctions - something he always thought was a waste of time. (We have a house and a huge barn filled with furniture, some antiques, some things he brought with him.) He has always complained that we had "too much stuff" I agree, but now he's buying tchotchkes (sp?) I don't say a word. Just compliment him on being a black belt shopper.

Thanks again, I wish there were a way that those of you who have been through H*** and back and have restored your marriages could have some kind of benefits from the organization. It is when people like you, saffie and ImLin comment on my situation that I have renewed hope/energy. Your words have been a balm to my soul and have given wings to my spirit.