Thank you for your post in response to my question on the desire to want to have a sex life. It appears that my w is similar to Sooner's in that there is an extreme reluctance to want to consider the possibility of wanting to try to regain desire. Perhaps like you, she would like to change but there is no strong reason in her mind to make it happen.
Clearly my approach has been all wrong in bringing up the subject of no desire with her. As a woman who was in that situation, can you describe how exactly I could start into a meaningful conversation without being lambasted for "being insensitive", "only wanting one thing" etc etc? (I have tried the route of "lets work on this together" and "no one is to blame lets discuss how we can work on our relationship, in spiritual and physical terms". The problem is, I can't quite finish the sentence before I am attacked for having any thoughts along this line and receive the silent treatment for weeks or months on end. So I leave the subject for six months or a year, try again and the circle goes round. I have also tried to subtly point out articles in the newspaper (such as interviews with Michele) but she scornes these as pop psychology that don't have any relevance in the real world.
Based on what you have said, the motivation to truly consider the possibility of change appears to be the threat by your husband that he was going to divorce you. Did I understand that correctly? I have considered this approach, but have rejected it up until now as I really don't like the idea of threating my wife, but after 5 years of total rejection, I feel that I need some degree of warmth and understanding. Perhaps I have to go to this extent and hope for the best, but it really goes against my grain.
Anyway, sorry to ramble on and on - I found your response extremely valuable and there appears to be the possibly of hope at some time.
