I'm not sure what you mean by 'why are you here if you are so unsure'. That is probably why I am here.
I haven't answered because I am still very angry about this sitch with him, especially the job & career. So be warned that will come out in the posting.
He has made changes, I have made changes, I have told him I noticed his changes, things between us have changed from where they were in January. We 'talk' now, not just kid, finance, divorce stuff. I share now, he listens (sometimes). There is some physical interactions (not sex) but hugs, touches, hand-holding.
He has not done everything I have asked, there is not consistancy & regularity in his anger management & outbursts. He has not gotten a hobby to have interests outside of work, to have ideas, conversation starters & points to add, he has not returned to seeing an IC to continue work on his intimacy, control, work-aholic, and anger issues.
He wants the marriage to work but I'm the one bringing things to the table from this website, from relationship books, from my IC session. Sure he'll read them, listen, go 'uh-huh', try a few techniques, but the effort he's putting in, IMO right now .. could fit into a thimble.
As far as the job thing... yep i know it's hypocritical. Can't help that.. it's what I need for me right now. This is taking care of me. I need to realize my dream, that means the degree comes first. R is give & take.. I gave & gave & gave. He got & got & got. He'll readily admit his dreams of his business growth have been realized, actually years before he thought they would.
When I asked him to step up so I could 'go' he agreed.. sure, no problem.... 7 years later I still am not done with my dream, is some of that due to a PIA major prof, yes.. but that is not any different in my eyes than the 2 tornadoes that affected our business for 4 years post-tornado & he had to work through all those rebuilding & I stood beside him while he did it (IMO).
7 years later, when I reiterate this to him he still thinks he supported me in that he took care of the kids (which really means, he made lists of chores for the them to do while he was working & waited for me to come home the week-ends to do the rest) for one month 3 summers ago while I stayed oncampus 5 days & 4 nights a week to have daily access to my major prof. Still coming home on week-ends to play 'catch-up' as mom/wife/maid.
He FINALLY after 7 years, told me, 2 months ago, he believed in me getting this done. Now he says it? 7 years into this? I'm 6 months away from finishing one of the most difficult accomplishments academically.. now he says I believe in you?? Great.. fantastic...whoppee...
Would I be comfortable with the sitch if things were reversed? No, I'd be so damn ashamed of myself that I couldn't help (hadn't helped) my life-partner of 22 years realize one of his dreams I would probably be apologizing up one side & down the other, trying to find ways to 'make it better'. But that's me.. I'm a care-taker.
OK.. vent over. thanks for listening.
And yes, ... I have told him all this.
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
