Does a WAW want you to fight for them?

[cz946]

The anniversary was tough. I went to the ball game with a buddy. My w called in the early evening to see when I was planning to pick our d up. I ask her to keep her for the night, I had been drinking. I didn't mentioon anything about the anniversary. She ask me if I checked my email that day, which I had not. She said she sent me a list of items to pack for my d for vacation.

The next day I checked my email. She had sent me an email. The subject was "Friendship day."

The email said, "I was thinking this a morning about this day, one of the best days of our lives. I think from this forward we should call it our friendship day. A day where we reflect back to all the good we brought to one another and the best thing we share, d.

I hope you’re ok today, I’m staying busy. Have fun at the game and enjoy yourself. "

So I simply responded. "I agree."

Tried to keep it short and sweet. No more pressure.

Last night we had a retirement party for friends of the family.
My d and I got there early, then my w came to say hi and pick our d up. I guess she stayed for an hour or so. She walked in and sat on the other side of the room. I made sure to give her, her space. Its really hard detaching myself from her. All I could think about was running over and giving her a buig hug.

I walked by and said hi., She ask me what time I was picking my d up in the morning. Had small talk for about 2 mins. I told her, her hair looked nice. She just got it done the day before. She told me that the waitress put her stuff on my tab, Ironic. I said no problem and that was that.

I guess the hardest part for me is knowing how to detach. It seems like there is a fine line. I want to get her to miss me, but I also don't want her to think "wow I did make the right decision."

And right now as I am packing for vacation, she is all I am thinking about. I just keep telling my self baby steps and rereading Sandi's post.

[cz946]

Me:34
Her: 29
Kid: 4
together: 12 years
Married: 9 years
Emotionally Disconnected: mid 2007
Physically Disconnected & Separated: 5/08
Divorced: Hopefully never

[cz946]

Ok, my w wants to come over in a few hours and help me pack my d clothes for vaction. Any thoughts?

[Purple]

it's probably too late for me to chime in here but let her come over, be cheerful. She wants to be involved, both of you can be involved in packing clothes for d. It's a nice (hopefully non-confrontational) way to connect on a co-parenting level.

[cz946]

I let her come over. We packed the clothes and talked about bills. Then she brought up the R. I tried to change the subject as soon as possible. She ask me why I was still wearing my wedding ring. I said because we are still married. She told me it made her feel uncomfortable the other night at the retirement party. And also added it made me look desperate. That the last ting I want. I just replied, if it makes you feel uncomfortable then I will take it off.

Then she said something that gave me encouragement. All along she has been using the ILYBNILWY line. Not yesterday. She said "that if I loved her as much as I say I do, then we would not be in this situation. She hasn't felt loved by me for the past couple years." It really does hurt that she questions my love, but as I think back I do understand why. I stopped doing the little things. Just kind of walking through life. Content to work, go to school, watch TV, eat & sleep.

But I was thinking after she left yesterday. Wow it should be easier for me to prove my love for her, than wait for her to realize she does love me. Don't get me wrong, I am still not going to pressure or push. I am going to practice the DR.

Besides it seems to be working. The more I avoid the more she calls. Not that I avoid her, but I don't txt, I don't ask her to do stuff. Some of the mistakes I made early. This morning she was supposed to drop my d off so we can leave for vacation. Instead she called and asked if i would like to meet them for breakfast. I said sure I haven't ate yet, thats fine. We ate breakfast, I ask about a project she was working on, and stuff like that, small talk. We finished, she gave d hugs and kisses. Told me to enjoy the vacation. I could tell she seemed sad she wasn't going, but I didn't mention it. I just said thanks and we will see you in a week.

OK time to get on the road.

Thanks everyone for the great advise!!!!

[Purple]

Keep yer ring on!! Only take it off if YOU feel uncomfortable about wearing it. You are sending a strong message by still wearing it.

[TwinDad]

CZ,

Hope you have a great vacation. Looks like your W has also given you a work list to keep in mind when yu start to piece things back together. I think youtaking your D on this vacation without her will be a little bit of an aeye opener for her as well. Might not get her to turn completely around but might get her to take her foot off the gas a little bit.

[AnonymousJane73]

You know... that's HER problem if it makes HER feel uncomfortable that you are wearing YOUR ring... that's HER PROBLEM... not yours. The decision to wear your ring is yours and yours alone, not hers. PERIOD. I would have just said, "I'm sorry you feel that way." or even better yet... "Oh?"... say nothing more. The only reason she feels 'uncomfortable' is because it's a big freaking reminder in her face that YOU ARE STILL MARRIED. Too darn bad for her that you care enough to make your marriage first and not some selfish ego.

I hope you have a good trip! Try to relax and have fun with your D.

[Cade]

Sandi2, you are awesome when it comes down to advice..regardless if you hit hard.

I would like to know if you could give me some advice regarding my situation, just like you did here.

[maninmotion]

Sandi,
I wanted to thank you too. This helped me get my brain right. I've combined it with the beginnings of Dark/LRT and basically taking the pressure off W. Seems to be helping if even a little.

I really appreciated your insight.

Sometimes it would be nice to be able to PM.

Dan